


Fallen Leaves

by Quixotic



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Aliens Make Them Do It, Brainwashing, But the Aliens Aren't Humans, Captivity, Forced Moirallegiance, Interspecies Dynamics, M/M, Made Up Troll Psychological Disorders, Mental Illness, Misery, Non linear storytelling, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale Smut, Pap or Die, Psychological Torture, Quadrant Confusion, Slavery, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-11
Updated: 2014-02-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 03:45:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quixotic/pseuds/Quixotic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pale answer to the "Fuck Or Die" scenario.</p><p>With only death and imprisonment to look forward to in the great Troll Empire, Sollux and Karkat sign on to a desperate plan to escape their fates on Alternia. However, upon finally making it to the yet unconquered borders, they discover that trolls are appreciated even less outside of the Empire than they are within. Captured and enslaved by an alien species, Karkat finds his ability to sooth Sollux's broken mind is the deciding factor in whether his best friend lives or dies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Then

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be some heartwrenchingly pale smut.

"What made you finally decide to leave?"

Sollux Captor's legs were long and thin and folded tightly against his chest - and for the first it struck Karkat with an absurd clarity that he must have grown over an inch in the relatively small time they'd been traveling together. Everything about the troll was excessive. Too tall, too many horns, too large of fangs, and way too much psionic bullshit.

Karkat watched him from across the room, pretending to read one of his electronic books for the fiftieth time. Sollux was swapping stories with the other yellowbloods again, a commiseration that left Karkat with the taste of bitter jealousy in his mouth. 

No one had asked him why he was there. Which was _fine_ , because as if he'd fucking tell them.

It was a psionic girl with hook shaped horns asking the question, and Sollux contemplated it for a few long moments before snorting dismissively.

"Realizing it was actually a fucking possibility, I guess," he said. Karkat felt his eyes on him for a moment, and wasn't sure what to make of it. "And finding someone dumb enough to go with me."

Karkat frowned without being entirely sure why, his brow furrowing so deeply that his forehead hurt. He made the executive decision to leave the scene - or at least get as far away as the crowded bulk of this starship's storage bay would allow. He stood in a way he was fairly certain no one else would even notice, and wandered towards the back of the bay. He scurried up the first ladder he could find, towards the upper level and the catwalks where the air vents were.

Trolls, he thought, bitterly. Trolls fucking loved the dark, right? Obviously they won't mind living in this dingy-ass hole for perigee on end.

Sixty eight nights, he corrected himself, curling up on the walkway next to the vents, breathing in the closest thing he could find to fresh air. Sixty eight nights since they'd left Alternia.

Seventeen nights since he'd had anything but the equivalent of sugared beast leaving to eat.

Nine days since the sopor capsules ran out. 

This night was going nowhere fast.

The consensus had been to sleep as little as possible, but every waking moment was filled with the prolonged agony of knowing they should have been somewhere already, but weren't. They were supposed to be out of this rusty piece of shit by now. They were supposed to be home free, or whatever would come close.

Karkat looked at his electronic text reader, his head aching with stress and exhaustion. No. No, reading wasn't going to happen, was it? 

He tucked it into the little satchel that never left his side and folded his arms around himself, leaning back against the wall. Down below, he could see some of the other trolls finally give in and begin trying to sleep.

What stupid bullshit, he thought. Why even bother when you were just going to...

The next thing he knew he was waking up with the visceral sensation of tearing at a faceless nobody's throat with his claws on his mind, and a far too bright array of red and blueish colors flashing in his face.

"Shit," he hissed, wincing as he shielded his eyes. "What the fuck, Sollux?"

The yellowblood was floating in front of him in an aura of psionic energy.

"Sup?" he asked. 

"Would you knock it off, you're going to wake everybody up with your goddamn amateur glittering-”

Sollux moved his head in a way that seemed to suggest he was rolling is featureless eyes, and he settled down on the catwalk next to Karkat.

"Why did you fuck off like that?"

Karkat just scowled. "Because you all fucking reek of pupatory musk and general pestilence."

"Speak for yourself, I'm pretty sure your sweater alone could scare off a horde of razorwings."

It was hard to argue. These unholy aromas were an unavoidable consequence of hosting a bunch of unbathed troll draftees.

But at least this stench was somewhat familiar. He didn't shy away when Sollux plunked down next to him, taking a few precious gasps of air from the vent. For a while, neither of them said anything.

"This was a stupid idea," Karkat said, dismally.

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Sollux grumbled, but without any real edge of anger. Like he was too tired of all of this to force anything out.

"I mean it," Karkat said, more urgently. "We've been traveling for fucking weeks and we're not even...where the fuck are we going, Sollux? The borders? What the fucking _hell_ does that even mean?"

"It means being out of Her Tyranny's fucking tendrils until we can sort something else out."

The time for anger was over. Now all that was left was impotent sulking. 

"Like what?" Karkat hissed, cramming his palms over his eyes in a gesture that absolutely had nothing to do with the arrival of tears. "The Empire hasn't even...there's nothing fucking out here, moron!"

"So what?" Sollux drawled back, unmoving in both body and spirit. "There's nothing back there, either. Not for me, and sure as hell not for you-"

Karkat growled and shoved him with a sudden violence, sending the two of them over into a tired, frustrated heap.

"Fuck you," he snarled, his voice getting far too emotional far too quickly. "Fuck...fuck off about that I don't want to hear it-"

Sollux shoved him back, snarling in return. It was the start of something, of just one more clumsy, pointless struggle as Karkat moved to grab him by the horn...but then he realized the way that Sollux was holding him, and everything changed.

The other troll had grabbed him around the shoulders, but not like one would in a fight. Instead his claws were digging in gently, like he was scared of letting go.

"Stop it," Sollux breathed, voice nearly choking on the words. "Just...stop."

Karkat didn't move. He didn't know what to do.

"We fucking went into this together," the other troll continued, "and we're going to finish it. Together. And no one is going to fuck with that." There was a pause, and Sollux shook him, gently and urgently. "I mean it."

"I know," Karkat blurted out, like the words had been forced from him. "Look - I know."

For days and weeks after that, Karkat would reflect upon those moments and think that he should have said something more, that he'd let some pivotal moment pass him by.

Because before he could say anything like he should have, the movement of the ship was already grinding to a halt. The pile of trolls down below was shifting with confusion. Sollux looked up, pushing Karkat towards the wall as he moved forward.

"...Did the ship just dock?" Karkat asked the air, just as Sollux started to growl. He dug his claws into his hair, the sound mingling with a hiss of pain, golden tears budding in his eyes.

"No," he whispered, the next words rising sharply in volume and pitch. "Come on, no, no, fuck, _no-_ " And before Karkat could ask him what was wrong, Sollux was hurling himself over the edge of the railing, screaming down to the others. "GET OUT!"

Moments later, one of the trolls down below shrieked. It was a rustblood girl, one Karkat recognized, once who's only psionic skill was about five seconds worth of pre-sentience.

With the a mechanical hiss, the doors pulls open. In their wake, three grenade shaped objects were thrown inside. They blew open with a snap, the bottom layer of the storage bay filling with orange-hued gas.

On reflection, Karkat wouldn't be able to remember whether Sollux had actually said anything in those moments, or whether he was just snarling and clicking in predatory rage. But he recalled very clearly that that crackling flash of red and blue as he charged in to attack was the last that he would see of Sollux Captor for what felt like a very long time.


	2. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If by "pale smut" I meant multiple instances of terrifying violence, then yes, that is what this chapter is full of.
> 
> People die. Everything is awful.

Light streams through the doorway, waking Karkat harshly from the hazy fog of rest. His head feels hot and sharp inside, his eyes aching from simply being open. He shudders in anticipation, seeing the black silhouette of a chimera at the door. Patches of vivid yellow light speckle the alien's outline.

"To your feet," they order in rudimentary Alternian, a language unsuited to their soft and airy hiss.

There's a lingering pause where Karkat does nothing. Even he can no longer tell if it's an act of rebellion, or if he's just too worn down to understand instructions.

A sharp jolt of pain down the back of his neck cuts through his malaise, startling him into grasping at the dark collar sealed around his neck. And as soon as the shock has passed, he's hauling himself clumsily to his feet in the middle of the small, darkened room.

As soon as he's upright, he feels the tip of the chimera's rod snap up harshly beneath his chin. He gasps, holding his arms rigidly at his sides, and just trying very hard not to move with his eyes squeezed shut.

"Open your eyes."

He does. The chimera's reptilian slits stare back at him.

"Good." He feels the rod bump lightly against his cheek. "Assume formation outside."

More than anything, Karkat is confused. This isn't _routine._ It can't be the end of his rest cycle already, can it?

"Where are we going?" he asks with an uncontrollable edge of defensive uncertainty. The rod whips into his gut. He chokes, bending forward and shrinking down into a crouch.

"Stay standing," the chimera demands, and he finds himself instinctively trying to straighten up, even though the cramping pain in his abdomen leaves his stance lopsided and shaking. With a humiliating amount of relief, Karkat notes that his performance appears to be adequate.

"Do not speak," they say. "Walk in formation." Then they move onto the next cell.

Karkat limps into the hallway without further disruption. There's no point, and he knows it. Outside, there is already a congregation of trolls, chimera, and other species that doesn't know the name of, all standing in line and preparing to make the march to their yet undetermined destination. And it isn't long before there are more of them gathering behind him as well.

Even now, what is probably weeks after this all started, Karkat suffers the routine embarrassment of being out in front of other sapient beings wearing what's little more than a short-sleeved slip. He tugs it down closer to his knees - and awkward gesture that results in one of the chimera circling them snapping down their rod at his feet - thankfully, only in warning. 

He straightens up with only a gasp of reaction and stares ahead, hating himself even more than usual for doing so. And he keeps trying to stare only ahead as several of his captors circle around the line, inspecting their flock.

Chimera were a species Karkat had never even heard of prior to being at their mercy, and the idea of being at their beck and call now fills him with self-disgust that he can't quite put a name to. They are a reptilian race - he could learn that much just from watching them. They wear very little clothing besides a few decorative pieces that are probably related to rank, and their bodies are uniformly textured with charcoal scales that are fine enough in places to appear as smooth as skin. Their feet and fingers are oddly prolonged, with a slender and surprisingly dexterous tail slinking smoothly down from their spine. 

None of them have dominance glands, and as far as he could tell they only had one gender. They are hard for him to tell apart, besides the patterns of spots that decorated their scales, and glow various shades of white and yellow.

He's learned one thing for certain. The more yellow their spots, the more liking to dish out a beating. 

Somewhere towards the front of the line the prisoners are ordered to move, and the rest follow without hesitation. Everyone is very quiet and careful in their pace. He's been told that chimera value grace, and "sloppy walking" is a crime that he has been punished for a few too many times.

He thinks about how they are just obediently being herded somewhere like a pack of dullard herbivores, and it makes him so angry for a moment that he's tempted to step out of line just to prove that he still can-

But then the thought of going without food for another few days changes his mind.

And something about that realization makes him want to break down and cry instead.

By the time they made it to the "training hall", his thoughts have descended back down into an unintelligible haze of misery and despair. They are all instructed to sit in a line in the excruciatingly particular way that they've been taught - legs folded beneath them, hands on their knees. Sometimes Karkat mutters to himself, wondering whether this is slave farm or fucking ballet troupe. But only when he is absolutely sure that no one else is listening.

The furthest half of the hall is left open like a stage. Like everything here, it's all formlessly soft greys and whites, just like the prisoner's clothes. And he still has no idea what they are supposed to be watching. Karkat lets himself drift off and go numb. Whatever this is, he'll take it. He'll take it, and tomorrow nothing will be different. 

It's several long minutes before anyone starts to explain.

This explanation comes in the form of a couple of chimera dragging a bound and blindfolded troll girl into the center of the training room "stage". She's struggling in a panic at first, but then the sting of her collar stuns her as she's thrown to the floor.

He black hair sticks to her skin and face with a combination of tears, saliva and blood. Her slip is torn. One of the chimera reaches down and tears off her blindfold. She has yellow eyes and hook shaped horns.

Wait.

Karkat's eyes widen vacantly, staring at what's happening like he can no longer process it. Yellow eyes. Hook shaped horns. He knows this girl - she was in the cargo bay with him and Sollux.

She was one of the psionics - that yellowblood Sollux was always talking to - and she's...

Her name is Oliera, and being taken out in front of the other captives never means anything good.

Inside his thoughts are spinning. This entire time, he hasn't known that she was even there. He just assumed that she was gone, just like Sollux and so many of the others. 

One of the chimera steps on her back with one of their strangely shaped, clawed feet. It holds her down as she sobs and starts begging. Another one of them comes to stand at the group's side. They're adorned with beads and jewelry in shades of bright blue and green, and their spots are a particularly vivid yellow.

"This _vashta_ ," they say, the latter word one that Karkat has learned to essentially mean 'slave', "has defied our teachings too many times. They have sworn themselves only to disobedience, and without loyalty they are worthless."

"I didn't _do_ anything," Oliera cries, and receives the sharp blow of a rod to the base of her neck. She goes down with a whimper.

"And that which is worthless and that does not have a place in our world will be discarded and removed from it," the chimera went on, their voice filled with a reverence as if they were preaching scripture. "Learn from its example."

Crossing in front of the fallen troll, the chimera hisses a few words to their enforcers. Oliera screams as they begin viciously beating her with their rods. Yellow blood splatters.

Karkat's body jolts with the surge of adrenaline that floods through him, and the sudden horror screaming in his mind. They're killing her. They're really _killing her_ and no one is stopping them.

Down the line from him a few of the captive lowers their eyes in an attempt to look away, but other enforcers are quick to grab them by the hair and horns and pry them up to see. There's fear and sickness in their eyes, but there's no rebellion.

And Karkat realizes, in that moment, that no one is going to do anything.

"Stop," he says, and the first time he says it the words barely make it past his dry lips. No one hears him. The beating continues. Oliera's voice is getting weaker, even as she tries in vain to fight back.

The chimera with the jewelry hisses another order. The enforcer turns, and aims a blow directly for her skull.

"Stop it," Karkat sobs, louder and more desperate, his legs shaking as he abruptly tries to stand. A clawed hand reached in from behind him and shoves him down. The rod hits its mark with a crack. Karkat shoves the hand away and manages to stagger to his feet.

"Stop it," he cries. "Fuck, stop it, please, you're fucking killing her-"

Something hard and metal cracks him across the head.

He's put down instantly, sprawled out across the floor without defense and without dignity. His head feels shattered, like its pieces are shifting around in a soup of pity and despair. Bits of red trickle into one of his eyes as he stares across the floor, and for the first time in his life he doesn't even care.

Oliera meets his gaze across the room.

She's bleeding badly, shaking and choking more than she's breathing. But her yellow, bloodstained eyes meet his, and for a moment he sees something almost like relief.

The hull of the vessel shudders very faintly. The lights flicker. 

The chimera with the jewelry hisses something in their native tongue, exchanging quick dialogue with some of the other enforcers. Two of them immediately depart down the hall at the other end of the room. Then the first one brings up some kind of communicator and hisses into it, obviously demanding for information.

They snarl and hang up, and in one swift motion draw their gun and fire three shots into Oliera's head.

"Show's over," they say to the captives, in various states of tears or, in more cases, numbed stares. "Back to their cells."

Most of the captives get to their feet when ordered, shuffling out in a line as indicated. Karkat can barely stand, mind clouded over with pain and grief. One of the enforcers grabs him by the hair and clothes and starts to drag him out. 

Oliera stays where she is.

Karkat's finally beginning to regain control of his body when the lights in the hall flicker and go out. The enforcer hisses and drops him, taking out their gun. Down the hall, Karkat can hear the other guards do the same. The herd grows restless, and in the end all it takes is one of them to snap.

There's the clicking growl of a troll from down the hall and a scuffle breaks out. The lights flicker back on again long enough to show enforcers ganging up around the single brownblood troll that has started causing shit, but its in that moment of distraction that people start to run. 

Karkat thinks for a moment about what will probably be done to him after the stunt he just pulled in the training hall. And then he runs too. 

It all chaos and gunshots as Karkat stumbles through the thrashing bodies filling the hall, trying to get towards that hallway he's never been allowed down. He doesn't even know what he's hoping for, but if enough of them fight, then maybe...maybe something. _Anything_ but this.

He and a few of the other captives, three trolls and a white spotted chimera, make their way around the corner as enforcer screech curses behind them. He runs without any thought to destination, until finally his dizzied head betrays him and he trips over his own feet. The others outpace him.

Ahead of them and around the corner he hears grating, insectoid screams - primal cries that he's never actually heard in real life. In movies, maybe, but its only now he realizes what a pale imitation they were.

It's the _throes_ , it must be. It's not just snarling or battle cries, it's the sound a troll makes when their mind has broken in just such a way that they have defaulted to the biological imperative to kill everything in sight.

A chimera is thrown bodily from around the corner, smashing into the opposite wall hard enough that its silver blood literally splatters like a water balloon. There's a reptile screech as the body slides messily to the ground. More silver blood across the ground from an unseen source.

The captives that outdistanced him slow their pace, hesitating. Karkat starts to try to pull himself up, and that's when he sees it.

A troll lurches around the corner, its gait halting and unnatural, like a tormented wild animal. Its ankles and wrists are bound in chimeran black metal, with the remains of its restraints dragging along behind it. Its eyes are bound as well with a sightless metal visor - it stumbles into the wall thats now coated in silver blood and thrashes against it, psionic impacts hitting hard enough to dent metal. 

They're completely naked besides the restraints, splattered with silver and yellow blood. They stagger back into the center of the hall, hissing and creaking, but despite this terrifyingly alien behaviour, Karkat could recognize that psionic glow anywhere.

"Shit," he whispers, somehow finding his feet. "Sollux?" Why isn't his voice working, he's not speaking loud enough - "S... _Sollux?_ "

The white speckled chimera immediately hisses defensively, and all it takes is one shift from Sollux and their neck is snapping and they're being thrown to the ground in a broken heap. Karkat feels the air in the hallway shift, like a psionic force is combing through the air, searching for obstacles where its eyes cannot.

Sollux's blinded eyes turn in the direction on the three trolls closest, two of which who immediately begin to back up. The third, a rustblood, makes the choice to try to run past him.

Sollux screeches out another grating series of clicks, and just fucking _shreds_ them with tearing psionic claws, and suddenly dark red blood is everywhere and Karkat feels acutely like he's going to throw up. The remaining trolls are running back in his direction, but he can't even move.

But the monster's coming towards him - not monster, Sollux, his fucking best friend - and its too close to run. He just stares at him, paralyzed, as he feels the air shift again, Sollux's psionic touch all over him. A touch that could just as easily tear him to pieces.

He's scared. He wants to run. But for some reason he can't.

Sollux lets out another tortured, wailing cry. Karkat is absolutely certain that he's personally started crying at this point, but he can't even care.

He can't just leave him like this.

"Sollux," he says, and the other troll's ears twitch. His head moves in sudden, halting gestures, like he's trying to tune into the sound. Karkat holds out his hands, starting to shake violently as he imagines the way that Sollux could trivially tear them right off. How he could just splatter him like a fucking abstract painting.

He swallows.

"Sollux, it's me. Karkat," he says, takes a shuddering breath, and rethinks it. "KK. Please. Snap out of it."

Sollux snarls but it's followed with an odd clicking chirp. He moves closer, and Karkat can feel his psionics touch his body more firmly.

"Don't. Don't fucking kill me or anything, okay?" Karkat chokes out. 

Sollux screams again, and Karkat doesn't even know why. He just knows his reaction is to move forward on his own, making an impulsive hushing noise that is trying very hard to be soothing.

"Shhh. Stop, it's...you're okay."

Karkat feels like he's never told a greater lie.

And before he can do anything else, the chimera are already on them.

Sollux is shot, several times, but stunning bullets meant to put down instead of kill. Whips lash out, wrapping around his limbs and body and sending a harsh current of electricity through his body. Sollux screams and collapses, thrashing.

And in one of his guiltiest moments, Karkat almost feels relieved.

He stumbles back just in time to be seized by two different chimera, and he reacts by immediately falling down and vomiting all over the floor. 

Sollux is still on the ground, bound in black chord and whimpering as the pain shakes his body. 

The sounds only stop when the chimera finally drag Karkat away.


	3. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PROTIP: I have a tumblr at quixocalypse.tumblr.com. It's a good place to keep tabs on when updates will be coming around, and also to see art I do, and to observe general pontificating about shit.

Sollux's visits came more frequently, in the weeks leading up to their final departure. It was a cool night in the darkest season when he turned up at the door of Karkat's hive completely unannounced, his blank eyes sad and empty. 

Karkat set about questioning him, trying to figure out his reason for being there with the sort of panic that comes from facing the unknown. Had something gone wrong? Had they been caught? Was he in trouble?

Sollux stood silently in the center of Karkat's recreationblock, before finally squeezing out the words.

"I let my lusus go."

"...Oh," Karkat said articulately, thinking about his own crab lusus curled up in the basement and frowning deeply in response. He didn't know what to say.

"Yeah," Sollux pressed on, like he was trying to keep talking, like it was something that could be left behind if he just kept going. "I took him out past the mountain ranges because I looked it up online and it said that was probably the natural habitat for his subspecies so I thought that maybe...that maybe..."

His voice was just growing tighter and tighter until the troll could barely speak, at which point he croaked out miserably:

"He's going to die, isn't he?"

Karkat raised his hand - pointlessly, it would seem - and lowered them again helplessly. He'd thought about this himself, of course. He'd have to do this with his own lusus soon enough, and it was pretty much impossible to not dwell on the possibilities, to wonder if the creature that had guarded you your entire life would die in the wilderness shortly after you left it.

But the reality of it all just hadn't hit home yet for him, and it was the tears in Sollux's eyes that brought it there.

"You don't know that," Karkat said after a long moment of uncertainty, without the strength of precision that he would have liked to be able to muster. 

Sollux pressed a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes in a sorry attempt to make his grief go away.

"He's just so fucking stupid, KK. He can't even...I bet he doesn't even know how to feed himself anymore," he said. "He fucking _needs _me, and I'm just letting him down."__

__Karkat still had no idea what to do with himself, and he was hating himself more and more for that fact._ _

__"Well, it's not like we could take him with us, dude..." he said, unsure whether he was arguing or pleading. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say, because it was then that Sollux's resolve finally broke enough that it became extremely obvious he was crying._ _

__"Come on, man," Karkat added urgently, moving closer to his friend. "Even if you just let yourself get drafted like a normal troll you'd still be fucking leaving him behind." He grit his fangs, and spit out - somewhat reluctantly: "And you told me what your other plan was. So it's not like that would be any fucking better."_ _

__Pretty hard to look after your lusus when you were stone cold dead._ _

__Karkat stared at Sollux's back for a few long moments, wondering why he wasn't saying anything. Fuck, he could at least _argue_ with him._ _

__"Why does everyone always have to go?" Sollux finally sobbed, wrapping his arms around himself and sinking down into a crouch._ _

__Karkat watched his skinny, miserable body fold in on itself, and for the first that he could remember, he felt an almost terrifying pang of pity strike through his heart._ _

__For once, it felt like was guided by something more sensible than guesses._ _

__He circled around to the other side of Sollux so they were facing each other. Then he knelt down, trying to get him to look at him._ _

__"Sollux..." he said, uncomfortable but determined._ _

__"KK," Sollux said, eyes flickering with light as the tears colored his skin. "She should have have been here with us." He choked on another sob. "I miss her so much."_ _

__"Fuck," Karkat said, desperately, holding Sollux at the shoulders and just leaning in close, as close as everything their relationship had been until now could bear._ _

__"I'm not leaving," he said, as firmly as he could manage when he really felt like crying too. "I'm fucking staying on your ass for this whole thing, and that's fucking it."_ _

__He held him like that for a while longer, until Sollux felt together enough to be embarrassed. They hadn't talked about it much, after that._ _

__But Karkat had remembered thinking that maybe what he’d said about staying was true._ _


	4. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblrama continues to be at quixocalypse.tumblr.com.

Everything following the riot is a brand new level of hell. Public beatings and torture become commonplace, food rations almost completely cut off, and several familiar faces from the ranks disappearing altogether. Screams of misery and pain can be heard night and day.

Karkat is almost relieved when he's thrown into solitary confinement in one of the secluded dark rooms as his punishment. At least then he has some peace from the horror of the nightmare burning down around him.

But as the hours tick on in silence and darkness, even that relief doesn't survive.

He's given no food and minimal water. The cell itself must be barely three feet by three feet, because there's only just enough room to curl up on the floor, and certainly not enough to lie down comfortably. At no point is he let out, or even spoken to by his keepers. Maybe its for the best that his bowels must be nearly empty - there's no clean place offered to defecate, and anything he produces is left in there with him.

It feels as if this goes on for days, but the worst part is that he has no way to tell.

He starts to cry, after a while. And then scream. He howls himself mute, beating his hands and feet pointlessly against the walls containing him.

And the entire time he can't get the image of Sollux out of his head, naked and chained and _screaming_ right alongside him as blood splatters white walls. The violent, broken animal that they'd turned his best friend into. 

Eventually, he stops altogether. He stops crying, and screaming, and pleading. He wraps his arms around himself and simply nurses the agonizing, burning hunger in his gut, and does his very best to feel nothing at all.

Nights later, who knows how many, light pierces his world like an arrow. He can barely open his eyes to its glare, blind with shock. The steady ache in his head, born of dehydration and malnutrition, nearly causes him to faint.

There's an alien there, a black reptile, and they say words to him that he no longer understands. He just feels like throwing up.

He doesn't respond, can't respond, and after a few more unintelligible demands he's hauled out of his cage with clawed hands, tearing his thin white slip as he's thrown to the floor. 

"Get up," they say to him, the first words he actually comprehends. He tries but his head is spinning. "You've been requested by the _shaltac._ "

'Shaltac', Karkat foggily recalls, is the name of one of their leadership positions. He doesn't understand what's happening, but after a few more shoves and grabs, he ends up on his feet.

He can still barely see as he's marched through the white lit halls, and his exhaustion only just outweighs his disgust at the wretched state of his own body. Every part of him burns. His slip, now torn so that it barely conceals him, feels stained by a substance that he can't name.

He hopes, numbly, that they are taking him away to die.

But they aren't. Eventually he winds up at the entrance to a room he's never seen before. It isn't a cell, or a training room. For once it's actually decorated in things that aren't bleak shades of white, the interior filled with hangings and furniture in shades of brown and gold.

He's forcefully sat down in a chair across the table from a bejeweled chimera with bright yellow spots. And he's left there.

Escape doesn't occur to him. He just stares into the space ahead of him, unable to focus. 

"Vashta. Are you awake?" the chimera says, leaning forward in their chair. Their alternian is pronounced much more clearly than he's accustomed to. He vaguely nods his head.

The jewelry is all very bright and glistening, lining their arms and tail in bands, and decorating their scaley strands of 'hair' with a curvy diadem. They lean forward, looking at him more closely.

"Good. I've called you here because I have some questions. If you answer them, it will be most ingratiatory."

For a few moment all Karkat can think about is how fucking hungry he is.

"Wh...what?" he mumbles, voice gravelly with disuse. 

"Could you explain to me the cultural tradition known as _moirallegiance?_ " they ask.

He stares at them, disbelieving. Of course he can. Being able to shoot off sociological factors by rote was being of the few things he was ever actually good at. 

He has no idea why he's being asked, but with some effort, he complies.

"It's..." His voice is so weak, he hates it. "It's the...conciliatory half of red romance. It's...nonsexual. You balance and care for each other but you don't fuck."

They chuckle slightly at that, but then wave him on. "And?"

He racks his mind for more details, helplessly. "It's fundamental purpose is to...to calm and pacify trolls that are dangers to the rest of society. Ideally matched with one pacifying troll to every dangerous troll. Right." He looks down at the floor. "You do it because you pity them."

"Pity for a lesser?" they prompt.

" _No,_ " Karkat says, shaking his head, voice tensing as he becomes distressed for reasons he can't describe. "Pity's for an equal...someone you...you see all the shitty stuff about but want to protect anyway."

"Mm, I see," they say, sitting back, smiling oddly as they watch him. "Do you pity anyone like that?"

Karkat's breath shakes as he exhales.

"It doesn't matter, does it." He stares at his hands. "What I feel like."

"It doesn't," they agree. "But I'm asking you a question."

He hesitates, breath quickening with fear. "I don't know," he says.

The shaltac hesitates, looking him over.

"Very well," they say, and then lift something up from their side - a plate with some simple, alternian style food on top of it. They set it down in front of him. "Have this. Be careful, eating it. Your body won't hold it well after going without."

Karkat can hardly believe it, but he doesn't even contemplate refusing. He snatches up the chunk of carapace and takes a few anxious bites out of it before he can convince himself to slow down. It feels like drops of salve in the fire burning in his gut.

It's much more flavourful and comforting than anything he's been offered here so far - all manners of inexpensive gruel and nutrients bars. He hunches up his shoulders defensively, ashamed of his own eagerness. 

The chimera nods, satisfied, and puts some water out for him a few moments later. Karkat drinks that as well with little hesitation, though in the back of his mind he can't stop from wondering - why are they giving him this?

"Now, when you're finished," the chimera says, "I want you to tell me everything you know about the troll condition referred to as 'the throes'."

Karkat's insides go cold.

The shaltac is staring at him expectantly, and all he can think about is the sounds that Sollux was making in that hallway, those animal screams like he'd lost the ability to even speak. He starts shaking, the remains of the carapace chunk still warm in his hands.

"It's what trolls in movies do before they go insane and kill everyone," he says, stiffly.

"Do you know why?" they ask.

"Psy...Psychological break. Something makes their brain just snap in fucking half."

"And what is done to care for them afterwards?"

Karkat blinks, looking up at her, uncertain over whether or not that's a joke.

"...Nothing," he says, uncomfortably. "They either fight themselves to death or get culled."

The shaltac smiles slightly and nods.

"You're starting to understand my frustration with the lack of material available on the subject," they say. "For the conquerors of the galaxy, trolls are piss poor at looking after their own, aren't they?"

Karkat stares at the floor. Part of him instinctively wants to argue that they don't need to, because the strong survive. But the fact that he wants to argue that kind of makes him want to vomit.

He doesn't say anything.

"One more question," the chimera says. "Were you close to the vashta who was called 'Sollux'?"

Karkat's shoulders shake as he abruptly sobs, hideously bright red tears starting to trickle down his cheeks.

"What the fuck did you _do_ to him?" he chokes.

The chimera eyes him closely.

"The vashta has suffered and intense mental break, and has refused to cooperate, speak, or feed. They are potentially very valuable to us, but as you know: disobedience is worthlessness. They will not have our patience much longer."

"What do you expect me to do about it?" Karkat asks, terrified and uncertain.

"You were witnessed forming a rapport with the vashta during your frivolous riot. They allowed you to come much closer without injury than any other creature."

Karkat's gaze wanders down to the desk. 

"You will be expected to fill a moirallegiance role for them during their reeducation," they say. "To balance their violent tendencies."

Karkat's eyes go wide, for the first time viscerally offended.

"What? You can't just...you can't just _force_ a quadrant! It's supposed to happen naturally, it..."

"They need balancing, do they not?" the shaltac says, cutting him off. "And if they do not begin to show improvement, they will die."

Karkat stops, his line of argument breaking at that assurance. He lowers his head.

"We are simply trying to use an approach best suited to natural troll behaviour," the chimera says, almost like they're trying to be comforting. "And if you succeed...loyalty is valuable to us. You can expect a great improvement in circumstances. For the both of you."

Karkat buries his face in his hands, miserable and conflicted. But in the end, there's only one thing he can say.

"Okay," he says, defeated. 

The chimera nods, one last final show of approval, before gesturing to one of the enforcers.

"Good. You'll be taken to a separate cell where you can clean yourself and rest before you make your attempt. I'd take some time to think on it - I'm sure you've seen what the cost of failure is."

Karkat is escorted from the room, and led back to the chamber he was promised: the walls are a more soothing shade of grey than he's accustomed to seeing here, and the area is actually large enough for a bed that appears to have some actual padding, as well as a small bathroom, complete with shower. 

Without any further instruction, the door is locked behind him and he's left to his own devices.

Nothing makes sense anymore, and he can't even bring himself to think about what he's just said that he'll do. So instead he just goes to the sink and drinks as much water as he can bear, before stripping off the filthy remains of his prisoner's slip and clumsily sliding into the shower. 

He hopes when the warm water begins to pour over him that it will wash everything away, that it will clean him of the dirt and wretchedness he feels so all-consumingly. But while it revivifies his skin, and cleanses his hair of grime its held for many weeks, his inside feels just as filthy as it did before.

He sits in the shower for a very long time, crying into the downpour, before drying off and putting on a fresh slip. He passes out on the alien resting slab without giving further thought to anything.


	5. Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, this sound clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8887Hfphv70) is a pretty good representation of the kinds of sounds a troll in "the throes" makes, if you add in an undercurrent of more traditional predator noises. Warning there is a bug picture.

He dreams about Sollux, albeit not in a way that is anything resembling comforting. Instead of fond memories or even subconscious worries, he dreams the Alternian way: he dreams of blood.

It's nothing very romantic. It's repetitive stress patterns of death and dismemberment - a hazy Sollux-like figure tearing off his hands, his claws ripping out Sollux's red and blue eyes. It's sickening and repetitive and pointless, because nothing he does or thinks ever makes a difference.

Someone always ends up dying, and he doesn't know why.

He wishes that waking were a comfort, but when he eventually comes around on top of his borrowed resting slab, it isn't. All it is is just one nightmare to another. 

He doesn't get up for a long time, even after waking. He tries to strategize some angle of attack for his upcoming encounter, but no ideas are forthcoming. 

Does Sollux even recognize him, like this? Is there anything left to reach out to?

The throes isn't something trolls have ever put any thought into solving. When a troll breaks, they're broken. The societal response is to toss them aside and be done with it. 

But here it isn't about trolls. Here it is about him and Sollux, and the weight of uncertain responsibility feels like it could smother him. And society has given him approximately shit all to go on.

The only bright side to waking up ends up being that someone has left food on the small table in his room. Food that's actually worth eating, for once. He does his best to get it all down, and then lies and waits for something to happen.

They come for him not much longer after that.

They take him to a part of the complex that he's never seen, where the doors are larger and heavier than anywhere else. They have to pass through a guarded security check to get there, and then enter through one of the well barred doors. 

There's a smaller room in advance of where any reasonable holding cell could be - there are chimera lingering there, lit up by a selection of view screens, all showing an image of the interior of a circular white room. The shaltac is one of them.

They come over to Karkat immediately, lifting up his chin with a scaled hand and looking him over. Then they just turn to one of the other chimera, and simply say: "Send them in."

Karkat starts, eyes widening in surprise. "What? Just like - what am I even supposed to fucking _do?_ "

"Before we waste time with anything else, we first have to see if you and the vashta's rapport has maintained," they explain. "We'll know soon enough either way."

"Shit," Karkat says. "Shit, you just can't send me in there like that...I don't even-"

They jab the end of their rod into his throat, giving him a warning glance.

"You are not the one who makes that decision. Now go, and hope that you have something you can offer us."

Karkat's body deflates at that, his shoulders sinking as his gaze falls to the ground. God. He can't believe he's being sent in to be murdered by his best fucking friend. There's no way he can do this on his own. He has no fucking idea what's going on.

"Their telekinetic ability _is_ suppressed," the shaltac explains as he's pushed towards the door. "But as they are, they have expressed the ability to be able to at the very least shatter bones. And surges of capability have been observed to occur when agitated."

Karkat shudders all over.

"Tread careful, vashta."

He's pushed through the mechanically enforced doorway, into a very tiny room resembling an airlock. And its only once the door behind him as sealed shut that the other begins to open. 

He's greeted by a low, clicking, animal growl that sends every primal instinct he has into high alert. 

In the center of the circular white room, Sollux is suspended from the ceiling by his arms. His bonds are thicker and heavier than they were before, his arms and legs bound in gauntlet length shackles, and eyes enclosed in a thick metal band, attached to his skull by a series of leg-like clasps, grasping down his spine like an insectoid parasite. 

His shackles are all attached to a series of chord-like chains, stretching his pale body between them, helpless and vulnerable. He's completely naked - so sickly and thin that it turns Karkat's stomach, like he's been abused and starved for weeks without remorse. He's fucking filthy too, still covered in the blood from the riot, though it's dry and darkened with age. The assholes couldn't even bother to clean him off.

Karkat takes a step forward without thinking, his heart aching in his chest.

The black metal of his bindings are decorated with white spots, just like the chimera. And as he senses Karkat enter, they begin to glow in warning just a moment too late.

Sollux thrashes, screaming in primal violence, and Karkat feels a shapeless something strike him hard in the chest and send him flying backwards into the rear door. He hits the metal with a squeak, crumpling down onto the floor, tears of pain and fear already filling his eyes.

"Sollux, _stop,_ " Karkat cries, holding himself as another impact hits the door just above his head. "Please."

The impacts stop, tentatively, and Karkat can feel Sollux blindly probe the air around him with his psionics, just like he was before. Those roving, invisible hands brush across his face and horns, and then Sollux lets out another scream. But he doesn't strike.

Karkat looks up at him, slowly trying to get to his feet, coughing as his ribs ache from the impact. "Sollux..." he says, voice shaking. The other trolls cries shift into a wary growl, shifting in his chains like he's trying to pull away. "It's...it's me. KK. You saw me before, remember?"

Sollux screeches and thrashes around with even more violence, his psionics clawing at his bonds and rattling his chains desperately but not leaving a mark. Karkat's heart pulses far too fast in his chest. Is Sollux even hearing him? It's impossible to tell if his words are having any effect, or if these are just the wild motions of a mindless animal in a cage.

Karkat finally moves far enough to enter the circle again, leaving the pseudo-airlock behind him. Sollux's struggles slow down as Karkat stands there and helplessly watches his friend's agony, just in time for the second set of mechanical doors to slide shut behind him and get Sollux going all over again.

Blasts of kinetic impact rail against the door like it's some kind of unseen enemy, and Karkat is forced to leap out of the way to avoid being beaten raw. He stumbles down onto the floor with a yelp.

"Sollux!" he pleads, curling up and covering himself with his arms.

The metal of the door doesn't give at all, and as Karkat speaks Sollux's telekinetics go wild with frustration, stirring the air like a windstorm. Several lighter impacts fall against Karkat's back, shoving him down against the floor. Too terrified to even move, Karkat begins to cry.

He can't do this. He's too scared and too fucking useless, and he can't even see Sollux in this creature anymore.

He's gone.

Karkat lays there, unmoving except but to sob, as Sollux twists and howls and tries to tear the room apart with wild psionic claws. Its only when Sollux's screams tire and fade into harsh pants of exertion that the violence finally stops.

And finally, Karkat's tears become louder than the chaos around him. Loud enough for the thing in Sollux's body to hear him.

The yellowblood's ears twitch at the sound, and he growls low and uncertain, like he's asking a question.

"Shut up," Karkat says miserably. "Just shut up, you stupid piece of shit."

Sollux gives one solid yank against his chains and then relents, growling again, more intensely. He feels those telekinetic hands on him again, feeling the air and brushing softly over his body. Karkat squirms on the floor, like he's trying to shove them off.

"Fuck, just leave me alone!"

There's a moment where Sollux stops entirely, at that, and then he starts to violently shake his head like he's trying desperately to shake something out of it. Karkat looks up at him, tentatively as Sollux begins to howl in a tone that comes off more like a whimper.

Karkat stares at him, listening, red tears still trickling down his face.

God, he must be in so much pain.

Karkat slowly starts to stand, anger and frustration still ebbing in his heart. But this time, there's no lashing out.

"Sollux," he says more firmly as the other troll tries to beat his head against his own suspended arms. "Sollux, come on. Stop it." He chokes out a sneer that is really more of a sob. "It's me, you idiot."

Sollux creaks, wordlessly longing, and gently touches Karkat's face and horns with his telekinesis again.

Fear somehow lost in the moment, Karkat reaches out and very carefully touches Sollux's cheek.

Sollux shudders in surprise, but he doesn't strike him. Instead he just feels over Karkat's body again like he's answering in turn, a strange chirping sound coming from his throat. Karkat lets out a hysteria filled laugh, fresh tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Took you long enough, you dumb fuck," he says, carefully stroking Sollux's cheek and the base of his horns and hair. Sollux makes that sound again, more uncertainly, but he stands very still as Karkat touches him like he doesn't know what to make of it but he doesn't want it to stop either. 

Karkat does this for as long as he needs to, letting the careful motions gradually calm him. Both of them.

"Hey asshole," he says softly. "Are you still here?"

And for a moment he feels like he isn't alone.


	6. Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more c for you h.
> 
> Also many thanks to tumblr user manyblinkinglights for this super sexy [fanart](http://manyblinkinglights.tumblr.com/post/40967327837/so-we-can-add-pale-dubcon-to-the-list-of-things) from last chapter!
> 
> (WHOOPS accidentally posted that missing a section from the middle the first time!)

As soon as his success has been verified by the chimera, Karkat is immediately put to work as Sollux's de facto moirail. His first task, however, is one that he asked to be able to do instead of being commanded. He isn't prepared to leave Sollux in such a mess.

With his requested soap and water, he carefully makes his way back into Sollux's cell. Sollux tenses and growls in warning as soon as the door is opened, and for a moment Karkat is afraid that his freak out is going to start all over again. 

But then he feels Sollux's touch on his face and horns, and the yellowblood's thrashing slows back down to a state of wary confusion.

 _He recognizes me,_ Karkat thinks, and that realization leaves him feeling the happiest that he has in weeks. There isn't much competition at this point, of course, but he'll take any small comforts he can get. Especially after asking for bathing materials resulted in him being given a bucket of soapy water and a sponge. A bucket of soapy water he is supposed to be utilizing in cleaning off the completely naked troll he is supposed to be being pale for.

What seems like many perigee ago this would have been a point of major indignation for Karkat, but now it's just another moment of humiliation in amongst thousands of others.

Approaching Sollux with it, though, results in the chained up troll tugging against his bonds, trying to pull away with a defensive growl. Karkat frowns, puts the water down, and carefully touches Sollux's cheek. 

"Fuck. Look, dude, you know I don't even mean anything with this shit so let's just pretend it isn't happening. We just need to get all of this crap off of you before you get sick or something."

Sollux's reaction is much like Karkat's lusus's reaction would have been if Karkat had tried to give him a bath - a similarity that Karkat doesn't know how to feel about. Sollux hisses and growls, that weird clicking sound rising in his throat again. 

Karkat sighs, wearily stroking Sollux's face and neck until he calms down again. Then he brings up the warm sponge and very slowly touches it to Sollux's cheek.

Sollux screeches, tearing his face away from the unfamiliar touch and trying to fucking _bite_ him. Karkat pulls his hands away in alarm - Sollux's fangs are so much more threatening when they are actually being used than when they are just casually interrupting his pronunciation. Those fuckers could go straight through his hand.

Sollux snarls, and Karkat can feel him scan the area psionically. He looks confused when his search still only finds Karkat there. Karkat swallows roughly and puts one hand on Sollux's face, while the other very slowly reapplies the sponge.

"That's me, dumbass. It's a sponge. I'm trying to clean you, and I'd appreciate it if you would stop trying to take my fucking hand off while I do it."

He doesn't know if Sollux understands the words, but at the very least he seems to understand the meaning of his gestures. He twitches and squirms beneath the touch of the sponge, but he doesn't growl or pull away completely. 

"Great, thanks," Karkat mumbles softly, and begins carefully wiping off the crusted blood and dirt covering Sollux's face and neck. When he finishes, he wipes the area dry with the towel in his other hand, leaving a trail of clean gray skin.

To say that Karkat feels awkward about this would be an understatement, but at the same time it's hard to even think about his own feelings when he's seeing Sollux like this. He cleans of his chest and his arms, and then moves around to the back. In cleaning his shoulder blades he sees the mark of the chimera's slave brand burned yellow into his flesh.

The same mark Karkat knows he has, hidden beneath his slip. Fury stirs in Karkat's gut as he runs his finger over its lines. The only thing that snaps him out of his own violent thoughts is Sollux beginning to squirm and hiss.

"Yeah, yeah, give me a second," Karkat mutters, and moves down to his legs. 

Most of it is just chimera blood, and the blood of that poor rustblood that he'd pulped. But there's a yellow mess between Sollux's thighs that he doesn't want to even think about, beyond just feeling sort of sick.

Which seems just as well, because as soon as Karkat gets near Sollux's bulge, the other troll starts growling and trying to shift his hips away from him. Karkat frowns, looking up at him with weary eyes.

"Just...calm down, I have to...I'm just going to clean this up and it'll be over," he tries. He puts the sponge on the top of Sollux's bone bulge again, and he screeches and nearly knocks the bucket over in his attempts to get away. 

"Shh, shh," Karkat starts without thinking, standing enough to rest a steadying hand on Sollux's chest. "Fuck. Fuck, no, dude, it's me." His brow furrows, his heart sinking. "You're okay."

His screech fades into staccato'd growls, gradually drifting into a confused chirp as Karkat focuses on calming him down. He scratches his fingers through the hair just beneath Sollux's ear, feeling tears build in his eyes.

"You're okay with me," he mumbles, knowing that's all he can promise. Because he knows that as soon as he's taken away again, there's nothing more he can do to protect him.

The door opens again after a while, which is the chimera suggesting that he needs to come talk with them. His heart pounds with a flash of fear, as he wonders if this time they won't let him back in. He stares up at Sollux, and gives him one last mournful pap before obeying their command. 

He waits in the airlock trying not to cry until they allow him back into their presence.

"I trust you're satisfied?" the shaltac comments. Karkat can see that they're sitting in front of one of the view screens, and the thought that they've been watching this whole thing sends a chill down his spine. 

"He's clean," he says, setting the bucket down. He's stares at the floor, trying very hard to not let his anger out. They did this to him. It's their fault that Sollux is like this, and yet he's stuck tending to the wounds _they_ inflicted because they told him to.

But there's no other choice.

"Now what?" he asks a moment later, daring to look up at them - praying that they aren't just going to send him back to his room and leave Sollux alone in there again. 

"They'll need to be fed," the shaltac says, beckoning to one of the others. A white spotted chimera comes forward with a small container of food and a bottle of water. "They've been difficult about it in the past, but they didn't try to kill you throughout that whole production, so our hopes are high."

Karkat's cheek flush with frustrated embarrassment despite himself, and he stares down at the bit of carapace they've given him as food. "Okay," he says, as civilly as he can.

"And take this," they say, holding up a strange looking key between two fingers. Karkat tentatively reaches forward to accept it. "That can be used to release their shackles from the chains. It won't remove the shackles themselves, but you are permitted to let them down for your meeting provided you ensure they behave themselves. If you can't control them, we won't hesitate to end things prematurely."

Karkat blinks at the key. There aren’t any notches to it, just a glowing tip on the end. 

"Press the tip to the metal where the chains connect to the shackles," they explain. "It will release the metallic bond until it is reapplied." 

He swallows and nods. Inwardly, he's just waiting for them to let him go back to his friend.

"Don't overestimate yourself, bug," they say. 

That advice in mind and some new supplies in hand, Karkat returns to Sollux. Every time he does he fears that Sollux will somehow forget everything he's done up till this point, and that he'll have reverted to the same screaming monster as before.

But now when he enters, all it takes is a psionic scan of his body to put Sollux at relative ease. He hangs in the middle of the room, tired from his struggles, though his ears perk up at Karkat's approach. 

The end of Karkat's lip quirks into a very tentative and uncertain smile, setting down his stuff and kneeling down at Sollux's feet.

"Try not to freak the fuck out, but I'm going to let you down, okay?" He moves to the key to where the chords attach to the shackles on Sollux's legs - he's not allowed to remove the shackles from his legs, but at least he can make it so he isn't fucking strung up anymore. After a few experimental attempts, he carefully releases the chords from Sollux's first leg. With three little clicks, the chords detach.

Sollux immediately starts shuffling his feet around, feeling the difference, and Karkat quickly releases the other leg before he can start moving too much.

Sollux lets out a questioning screech, but at least it's not an angry one. As far as Karkat can tell. There's only so much he can take away from the terrible sounds the other troll keeps making.

To Karkat's embarrassment, he can only barely reach the chains binding Sollux's arms - especially when he's trying to support him at the same time. "Don't fall over," he mumbles as he reaches up to unlock the links.

He releases the first shackle, and then the next. The moment that Sollux's body is freed, the troll wavers and collapses at the knees, limbs heavy with the weight of the shackles and his body too weak to support himself. Karkat finds him scrambling to guide him safely to the ground, his frail body thrashing in his arms.

There's a limit to how much Sollux can move - his arms and legs are still chained to each other even if they're no longer chained to the walls. And as Sollux screams and flails like a fish dying on the beach, Karkat can only wish that he were allowed to take them off of him entirely. 

"Shh, you're okay, I just fucking freed you. Stop flipping out, dumbass," Karkat says tensely, but Sollux keeps on writhing weakly while making increasingly pained sounds. God, his muscles must be cramping like a bitch. 

Tentatively, he reaches down to try rubbing Sollux's arms at the joints, limbering up the wire-tight muscles he can feel straining beneath the skin. After a while, Sollux starts stretching, experimentally flexing his neck and legs while making troubled creaking noises.

Karkat frowns, and pulls out the bottle of water he's been given. Slowly, he opens it and puts it to Sollux's mouth. 

"It's water. You need to drink it," he explains, but Sollux doesn't seem to register it. After a moment, Karkat tips the bottle forward and tries splashing some of it on Sollux's lips. And the moment he feels like that, something in him seems to come alive with desperation.

He licks and suckles at the opening of the bottle, eagerly drinking as much as he can as Karkat tilts it for him. In his enthusiasm, he also manages to spill a bunch of it over his face and Karkat's lap, but Karkat is willing to take it as long as it helps him to stop being so sick.

Once he's done with the water, Karkat takes out some of the food. He wishes that he could just give it to him and let him feed himself, if only because it seems like it would be less humiliating, but the shackles enclose his fingers too, leaving him without any sort of manual dexterity.

And so, ears folding back in some sense of resignation, Karkat puts the food to his lips and hopes he'll eat as well as he drank. Sollux sniffs the foodstuff, hesitating, and then creaks as he turns his face away.

"What? Why the fuck not? Your abdominal sack is practically concave you asshole, you fucking need this," Karkat protests, though his words are coming out far more distressed than anything. Fuck, why isn't he eating? He's been fucking starving, hasn't he?

Frowning uncertainly, Karkat bluntly pushes the food to Sollux's mouth again. He just growls at it, trying to squirm away. 

This goes on for a while, and the longer it does, the more stressed out and frightened Karkat becomes. He's fucking dying like this, and he can't even make him eat.

"Sollux, _please._ Please just fucking eat."

He remembers the shaltac saying how he had refused to feed this entire time. Is it rebellion, or is it his appetite?

He can remember all those perigee ago, how Sollux would starve himself for days without even thinking about it, when one of his moods hit him. Just fucking coding for hours and hours, like he'd forgotten he even had a body to care for. Sometimes it felt like Karkat had to remind him that food even fucking existed.

Karkat stares down at him for a long moment. Then he breaks off a small piece of the carapace, and tries to pop it between his fangs. 

He gets it inside somehow, and Sollux's first reaction is to gag and hiss and try to spit it out. But Karkat just presses a hand to his cheek, trying to gently encourage his jaw to close.

"Chew. Fucking chew it, you need this shit to live, moron."

It takes some doing, but gradually Sollux complies. He makes grumbling sounds as he breaks it down, and very hesitantly swallows. He isn't happy when Karkat immediately comes in with another one, but after some token struggling he lets that one go down too.

Karkat only manages to do this a few times before Sollux hides his face and refuses to take any more, but at least its something. And in the face of everything, Karkat is grateful for what he can get.

He sighs, watching the other troll and his bound limbs gradually relax, his breath slowing as Karkat cradles him. With nothing left to do, he runs his fingers through Sollux's hair, and then more hesitantly starts rubbing his shoulder and back.

After a while, Sollux actually starts to purr. At least this is a primal troll sound that is much more comforting to hear.

Eventually Karkat is almost certain that he has fallen asleep, and all he can do is desperately hope that for once his broken mind will give him some rest.


	7. Then

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback time go.

Karkat had been settling down for a relaxing early morning romcom when Sollux's trollian window popped up over Troll Hugh Grant's face. Karkat just scowled at his screen for a moment, displeased by the sudden transition, but eventually resigned himself to his night being interrupted and put down his grub corn.

TA: got iit.  
CG: GOT WHAT SMARTASS?  
CG: I WAS KIND OF IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING SO THIS BETTER BE IMPORTANT.  
TA: oh well 2hiit don't let our matter2 of iimmiinent periil confliict wiith your fap 2chedule mr nookfiinger2.  
TA: when kk'2 braiin ii2 back at the wheel let hiim know that ii've got u2 our riide out of the empiire.

Karkat's eyes widened, and he closed the movie window all together. Straightening up in his seat, he started settling down into 'serious business' mode.

CG: WHOA SHIT SERIOUSLY  
CG: WHERE?  
TA: ii can't exactly liink you two iit becau2e thii2 2hiit ii2 way more aiirtiight than that but ii can briing iit over iin a biit iif you want two check iit out.  
TA: the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit'2 2ome dude2 that are wiilliing two 2muggle people two the border2 iif you pay them.  
CG: WOW BECAUSE THAT DOESN'T SOUND SKETCHY AS FUCK!  
CG: HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS IS EVEN REAL?  
TA: ii don't know ii hacked iintwo theiir communiicatiion2 a biit.   
TA: iit 2eemed two check out.  
CG: OK BUT IF YOU COULD JUST "HACK INTWO THEIR COMMUNICATIONS" HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS ISN'T JUST GOING TO RESULT IN ALL OF US BEING VAPORIZED IN SPACE.  
TA: becau2e ii can pretty much hack iintwo anythiing iif ii have the iincliinatiion kk.  
TA: maybe you've forgotten ju2t who iit ii2 you're addre22iing.   
CG: OH I'M SORRY I APPEAR NOT TO HAVE HANDLED THIS CONVERSATION WITH THE APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF PROSTRATE REVERENCE.   
CG: MY FUCKING APOLOGIES LORD CAPTOR.  
TA: iit'2 cool.  
TA: anyway my poiint ii2 they weren't two 2habby at lea2t enough protectiion that the empiire probably doe2n't care enough two notiice.  
TA: who even care2 when a bunch of lowblood 2hmuck2 go mii22iing.

Karkat glanced out the window, thinking about that for a moment. How many of his neighbours had he seen be culled or just simply vanish over all these sweeps? For the longest time he'd assumed the same would happen to him eventually, and now maybe it's going to.

The key factor is that in his case maybe there will be something on the other side.

CG: NOBODY, I GUESS.   
CG: HOW MANY CREDITS DO THEY EVEN WANT?  
TA: a faiir chunk of change.  
TA: but that wiill be covered iin the part of plan ii am calliing "grand theft ratiion2" or perhap2 "2ollux captor 2teal2 a fuckload of ca2h."  
TA: ii've been wantiing two try thii2 ba2iically my entiire liife but ii've never had the occaii2iion.   
CG: OH MY GOD NO  
CG: SOLLUX YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH THE RATIONS SYSTEM OR WE ARE BOTH GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!  
TA: we're goiing two diie iif we don't do anythiing 2o why not wiing iit ii 2ay.  
TA: and liike ii 2aiid giive me enough tiime and ii can pretty much hack anythiing and by the tiime anyone could even have a wiild gra2p of a chance at knowiing we wiill be two fucking far away two touch.  
TA: now tell me how awe2ome of an iidea thii2 ii2.

Karkat buried his face in his hands miserably, unable to process how ridiculously bullshit this whole arrangement was. He was in the process of thinking of an appropriately bombastic way to say that is didn't sound awesome at all when a strange thought occurred to him.

Sure, the idea was far fetched and fucking risky as hell on several levels...but despite his protests, did he really not believe that Sollux was capable of it?

He did believe it. And even worse, there was an embarrassing swell of comfort at the idea that he'd have Sollux watching out for him through all of this mess. Fuck, what the hell. 

He stared at his keyboard for a long moment, and then typed:

CG: IT'S OK I GUESS IT COULD USE SOME IMPROVEMENT BUT AT LEAST YOU AREN'T JUST COMPLETELY BLOWING CHUNKS AT ME.   
CG: GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND SHOW ME THESE SPACE VAGRANTS SO I CAN DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT TO GIVE IT MY OFFICIAL APPROVAL.  
TA: ehehehehe that'2 what ii thought.  
TA: 2ee you 2oon.  
CG: YEAH SEE YA.

Karkat sat back from his husktop with a mostly bewildered but vaguely hopeful look on his face.

Maybe he'd survive this yet.


	8. Now

Sollux is nuzzled securely against Karkat's body when he hears the mechanical door slide open, snapping him out of his partial doze. He immediately glances down to check on Sollux, but the yellowblood doesn't stir - he must be sleeping too heavy to hear it.

Karkat's heart clenches inside of him. It's been hours at this point, and he has the terrible feeling that one he leaves he's not going to be allowed back in. Not right away - this cell isn't set up for the two of them - but anything later than immediately feels far too long.

He carefully brushes his fingers against the fringes of Sollux's hair, feeling his heart break. He doesn't want to leave him, he wants to stay here - but if he tries to disobey, he'll just be taken by force and probably not allowed to see Sollux ever again.

His eyes fill with tears, and he whispers very faintly: "I have to go. But I'll be back. I promise." Then he very slowly starts easing his legs out from under Sollux's head, leaving him to rest on the floor instead. Sollux curls in on himself, trying to get comfortable, seemingly unaware of the change.

Karkat stands, watching him, feeling like any moment his resolve will break. But he manages to back away to the airlock, and then starts to slip in side. 

But as the doors start to automatically close, Sollux wakes up.

He shifts on the floor in a panic, still unable to get up, the air stirring all around him as he wildly searches for Karkat's presence in the room. He starts to howl and trill something needy and fearful.

"Sollux," Karkat gasps without thinking, which draws his attention just as the doors cut him off sight. He can hear Sollux's psionic blows begin to rain down on the other side of the metal, slamming and scratching and trying to get through. 

"Wait," Karkat shouts, hoping the chimera will hear him. He bangs his fist against the doors, too. "Wait, let me back in there for a second, I have to...!"

He trails off, humiliated and devastated as the second set of doors pulls open, revealing him to the chimera waiting behind it. 

"Silence," the shaltac says simply, and Karkat finds his mouth snapping shut despite himself. He lowers his head and steps forward into the observation room. 

"You've done quite enough," they add as he stands before them. "You're meant to balance them intermittently, not to be their full time caretaker. We have to take the time to balance the effect your bond will have on their training."

Because they aren't meant to stay with each other forever, Karkat reminds himself. Just until they can make enough use of Sollux that they decide to take him away. 

He hastily rubs a hand over his eyes, trying to wipe away his tears. God, he really doesn't need to be crying right now. He doesn't need to look weaker than he already is.

But then the shaltac slips the hooked side of their rod around his neck, and drags him close enough to look at him very closely. They brush one of their fingers along his cheek, collection a drop of red and peering at it.

"You really are an unusual one, aren't you?" they comment, rubbing the liquid off between their fingers. "It makes for an interesting novelty around here." They pull on his cheek with a thumb, forcing his eye to open more widely. "Could use some maturity, though. Once these come in it will really shine."

Karkat gasps raggedly, realizing what they're talking about. He gingerly tries to pull away, but they don't let go. 

"The telekinetic vashta, too," they comment, gesturing in the direction of Sollux's cell. "Have you ever seen eyes like that before?"

"No," Karkat says, miserably shaking his head, his gaze set firmly on the ground.

"They'll be quite the prize once they've been taught. If you learn your place here, I'm sure you'll find an owner of significant prestige. Save yourself the life of a filthy maid or laborer."

He doesn't even know how to respond to that. Is that really what this comes down to? They're weird and exotic so they get to be some kind of humiliating showpiece instead of a worker?

And god knows what else comes with a role like that.

He doesn't say anything. He just stands very still, waiting for this to be over.

The shaltac takes a few more moments looking him over, dragging the end of their rod around his waistline. He closes his eyes and doesn't breathe.

When they reach the small of his back they shove him forward.

"Take them back to their room. I'm having some reading material sent there for you. It's all we could dig up on the subject of the vashta's condition. Look it over before I see you again."

They guide him back to his room, and one he's there again he can't help but dwell on how empty and alone it all feels. Sollux is just a few hallways off, behind locked doors, but Karkat can't do anything for him. He's just blind and chained and so fucking confused...

He's never going to be okay again, Karkat thinks. How can he possibly heal when he's still being put through so much pain?

Karkat sits on his bed, lost in his own head, thinking about the way Sollux was screaming for him when he left over and over again. He tries not to think about what they're doing to him now.

He's only snapped out of the cycle by someone entering - it's a chimera, and his stomach turns the moment he sees them. But instead of aggressing him like they usually do, this one just sets about wandering the room, adjusting a few things and setting a plate and some papers on the small table.

Their spots are white. He's only just realizing it now, but all of the white spotted chimera he's seen have been exceptionally subdued - many of them actively being kept in cells as slaves.

He watches them, hesitantly. Eventually they turn to face him, passing him a bottle with their surprisingly dexterous tail.

"This is for you," they say, actually sort of smiling at him. Their Alternian has a very heavy chimeran accent, but its gentle hiss is almost charming. "Healthy drink. It will make you feel better."

Karkat peers at it, feeling skeptical. The liquid is a muddy brown. Nutrients, perhaps. 

"I've left food on the table," they add, and then gesture at the papers. "And...health documents."

Karkat stares at them, increasingly confused by their demeanour. He blinks, and glances at the papers - it much be the throes research the shaltac was talking about. 

"What is your name?" they ask suddenly, catching him completely off guard. It's the first time someone has asked for his name since he got here.

"Uh...Karkat..." he says, glancing away.

"Okay, Karkat," the chimera says, nodding. "I am Vaeliesh, and if you need anything I am here to help you."

They bow once, and then head out of the door, locking it behind them.

Karkat could honestly say that was not what he had expected at all.


	9. Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like writing research papers about made up alien hormones.

It's only after a few hours of stewing in misery and loneliness that Karkat finally gets up the willpower to look over the documentation he'd been sent. At first glance it seems fairly brief - written in the context of being some manner of military research, like it was cut from the center of a longer paper.

_’As previously discussed, the psychological condition colloquially referred to as "the throes" has been identified as the symptom of extreme hyper-protozemia, or the uncontrolled overproduction of the protozine hormone. Protozine is present in trolls of all caste levels, though the higher bloods produce it in much higher quantities, and with more significant effect.’_

Protozine is, of course, a word that Karkat is familiar with. Its the kind of thing sports drinks will promise to give you more of, and something that he's heard more than one troll claim to have gotten a natural high on. Beyond knowing that it's some kind of troll super juice though, he had never learned much more. Health lessons have never been much of a concern on Alternia.

_’Biological factors linked to protozine quantities include increased strength, stamina, and martial instinct. There has also been research done into its link with the higher caste's particular longetivity, but results have remained inconclusive. Other qualities attributed to protozine are fertility, physical attractiveness, and the traits associated with a "leader's personality".’_

Karkat skims down a few paragraphs, frowning. Reading this leaves him feeling uncomfortable, and he can't figure out why. There's the obvious factor of the way he knows this paper is inevitably going to spell out Sollux's psychological doom, but there's something else, like a blank gap in his thought process.

He shakes his head and moves on.

_’All castes induce a rush of protozine production when in especially stressful or violent situations, with these rushes becoming more powerful the closer the shade comes to tyrian. However, while highbloods experience and manipulate these rushes on a far more frequent basis, they are also more physiologically capable of handling its advantages. This is why it is believed that almost all cases of hyper-protozemia occur in members of the lower castes, as their weaker dispositions are unable to handle the strain the hormone puts on their system._

_‘Terminal cases of hyper-protozemia occur when the stress reaction is so intense that it permanently damages or destroys the biological systems intended to regulate protozine release. The protozine continues to be produced at a highly accelerated rate, causing a variety of disruptive symptoms leading to the uncontrolled mindlessness observed in trolls that have succumbed to it._

_‘Research has been done into whether or not there are particular genetic defects that lead to this reaction, but as the context required to trigger an episode seems to be highly unique to the individual, results are yet inconclusive.’_

The article breaks down into different sections at that point, and Karkat rolls over onto his back and stares at the roof as he considers its implications. So, obviously, sometimes between when they were captured and now, something happened to Sollux bad enough that it kicked his stress reaction glands into overdrive, and it basically fried his brain.

But when did it happen? Was it back when they were captured in the first place?

It seems like a reasonable presumption, but at the same time Karkat knows that Sollux has gotten into fights like that before, and he's never flipped his shit quite this hard. 

When he reflects on it, he remembers that Sollux's restraints had seemed much less intensive when he broke out in the raid, too. Had it happened in whatever lead to him escaping his bonds in the first place?

The possibilities for things that could break a troll's mind seem limitless in this place - Karkat distinctly remembers a few occasions where he felt like he was going to lose his mind, too. But it just feels so incomplete. Like, with everything Sollux Captor has gone through in his life and survived, that it would have to be something completely gut wrenching to turn him into what he is now.

His stomach flips at that thought, and he curls up on his side. Tears fill his eyes as he thinks about the Sollux he was before, and then Sollux that he just met. The Sollux that can only speak in screams and whimpers. The Sollux that couldn't recognize his voice. The Sollux that is too weak to stand.

He wishes he was back there right now, so that he could tell Sollux that he's fucking working on it, that he'll figure something out. But he can't even be sure that it wouldn't be a terrible lie. He can't even be sure that Sollux would understand the promise if he heard it.

Karkat rubs his eyes, and brings up the paper to continue reading. He looks for the header that reads "symptoms".

_’The most notable symptoms of hyper-protozemia are in relation to its ability to drastically hinder if not completely deteriorate higher brain functions. Lowbloods experiencing a protozine surge will often feel these effects to much lesser degrees, but in the case of a full breakdown of its regulating system, it has been been shown to completely deteriorate abilities such as planning, reasoning, problem solving, and complex emotion. In most cases it also renders the subject incapable of processing language and long term memory, the trolls affected devolving into primitive vocalizations and behaviours natural to an unevolved member of the species._

_‘As in the case of natural protozine bursts, strength, endurance, and instinctive sense is heavily amplified. Subjects react violently to all surrounding stimuli, and have been witnessed to kill anything it perceives to be threatening, which usually amounts to anything within reach. Such heavy bursts of protozine have also been shown to trigger a release the hormones associated with the kismesitude mating process, resulting in high fertility and sexual dysfunction.’_

Karkat wets his lips anxiously, frowning with increasing intensity as he goes down that laundry list of terrible. So what, all Sollux's higher brain functions are just...gone? Just like that? If this paper is right, there's a chance that _nothing_ he does will be enough to help him. Not if his brain is already fucking lobotomized.

 _But he remembered me,_ Karkat thinks, chest heavy with anxiety. Sollux still remembered him and he let him near when no one else could touch him.

There has to be something left. 

He feels the weight on his heart grow tighter as his eyes wander down to the paragraph outlining the prognosis. 

_’Though attempts have been made to use the paxene hormone to counter hyper-protozemia's effects, the results have been temporary at best and fade without any progress towards regaining lucidity. As such, trolls suffering from hyper-protozemia are given a very poor prognosis, and in all examined cases have been culled for their defects shortly after study. Unintelligent and unyielding to commands, they are of no value to the Empire they serve.’_

"No, come on," Karkat hears himself saying, his fingers crumbling the side of the papers in his hands. "That can't just be it. Give me something to fucking work with!"

If the shaltac had read this, why isn't Sollux just dead already? Are they really that desperate to keep him? He makes a frustrated screeching sound into his hands, burying his face in his blanket. 

But as he’s gnashing his fangs in frustration, something slowly occurs to him.

It was wrong about at least one thing, wasn't it? It says that they're completely unyielding, but once he got close enough Sollux actually _listened_ to him. Didn't he?

Karkat stares at the papers for a few more seconds, and then chucks them to the side. He'll look at it again later.

Right now, more than anything, he just needs a chance to see his friend again.


	10. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I made myself so upset.

It's a full sleep cycle before someone comes to get Karkat again. It feels like he's only just hazily reaching unconsciousness when his door is suddenly coming open.

"Wake up," a chimeran guard stays, stepping inside. "You've been asked for."

Karkat opens his eyes wearily, pausing only a moment before swinging his legs over the side of the slab and slowly getting to his feet. Good. This better be taking him to see Sollux again. 

He follows them to the observation room without resistance. As expected, the shaltac is waiting for him. 

"Did you do your reading?" they ask as Karkat is shoved into the room. He feels tired and shaky on his feet, but he's quick to nod.

"Then I imagine you've seen your own species's prognosis for them, haven't you?" they continue. "I hope-"

"When did it happen?" Karkat asks suddenly, his words escaping his mouth in a burst of anxiety he can scarcely control. Less than a moment later and he's already regretting it. He interrupted them, he should _never_ interrupt, he-

The shaltac rises to their feet, and strikes him across the face with their rod. It sends him to the ground, spitting up blood as his entire world spins. He gasps, choking on his own breath.

"Get up," the shaltac demands without pause. He feels like he's going to throw up. Their clawed foot delivers a kick to his side. "I said: get up."

With an assenting whimper, Karkat slowly pulls himself to his feet. His lip is bleeding and his vision is blurred, but he shakily stays vertical, out fear more than endurance.

" _Never_ interrupt me," they say, words harsh. "Do not mistake our cooperation for amiability. You are below me, bug."

He nods, hastily, blinking away the tears rapidly forming in his eyes. 

"Now," they say, "you may speak."

Now he can barely get out the words. "When...when did it happen? When did he get the throes? H-How?"

The shaltac eyes him cautiously, circling. "During their training," they explain. "They refused to cooperate, and they were punished. Their mind was weak. It took very little to break them."

Karkat winces. So, it wasn't during their capture, then. It was something they'd done to him. Anger turns in his gut, but the fear weighs it down. He's shivering.

"Is that all?" they prompt, and Karkat finds himself nodding without really being sure that it is. "Good. You'll be expected to feed them again. Besides that, we would like evidence that they are still capable of understanding language."

Karkat nods, even though he isn't sure if that's possible. Not if Sollux is as broken as that research paper makes him sound.

He takes his supplies in hand, and silently lets himself be ushered towards the airlock. It's only once he's inside and the first door has closed behind him that he finally lets himself go. He starts crying, ridiculously, he feels, out of pain and despair. At this reminder that no matter what fragile hopes he builds, they can be torn down by his masters just as easily. 

He tries to calm himself as the second door allows him into Sollux's cell. He's scared that Sollux will have forgotten him. He needs a friend so desperately right now, and if Sollux tries to attack him he feels like he will just let him.

"Sollux?" his voice is still heavy with tears as he speaks. The only response is a low, clicking growl from the other side of the room.

Sollux is hunkered down against the far wall, his arms and legs still bound together in heavy shackles of black metal. He's rocking back and forth, balanced on the pads of his feet, his blinded eyes directed at the wall even as he ears flick in Karkat's direction.

Karkat takes a very cautious step forward. "Sollux, it's Karkat. They let me in here again."

The growl cuts into a violent snarl, as the troll curls his lanky body into a defensive ball. Karkat can feel the air stir. He swallows, and takes another step forward. Sollux hisses and laboriously hauls himself further away, crawling feebly on bound limbs. He digs his horns against the wall like he's determined to tear a chunk out of it.

"Sollux - come on, stop, please," Karkat says, increasingly desperate. "You're going to hurt yourself..."

Sollux creaks out another defensive growl, and rams the metal headgear enclosing his eyes against the wall, rubbing the metal harshly like doing it enough will cause it to let him go. Karkat calls to him again, but Sollux just keeps butting his head and horns against the wall, letting out increasingly frustrated screams.

Impulsively, Karkat moves forward to stop him, but he's met with a sharp telekinetic shove that sends him staggering back to where he started. He flinches away as soon as he regains balance, expecting another barrage of blows, but none come. Instead he's left standing there, at a distance, as Sollux moans and trills miserably.

With a shaking breath, Karkat backs away, finding the opposite wall and sliding down it to sit. All he can do is watch.

The sounds continue. Karkat wonders if he's been crying out like this the entire he's been gone, or if he's trying to communicate something now that he has an audience. Sollux growls and screeches at empty space, over and over as he huddles there.

Like he's hurting. Like he's afraid.

It breaks Karkat's heart all over again, watching this, especially now that he knows the depths of his ailment. Watching him lost in this fucking nightmare all over again, without even being able to understand what's happening to him. 

Sollux rocks his hips back and forth with increasing discomfort, and Karkat notices what must have been the cause of the yellow stains he'd seen before - a few of his bulge tentacles have lazily started to slip free of his nook. Karkat grimaces, flushing with embarrassment as he remembers something in the article about sexual dysfunction, feeling like he shouldn't be watching Sollux while he's like this. But he knows perfectly well that he may never be not like this again.

Karkat gently begins to shush him from across the room, making as soothing sounds as he can, and if nothing else letting Sollux know he isn't alone. He hums a vague melody under his breath that even he doesn't recognize, carefully assuring Sollux that he'll be okay in between tunes. He doesn't even care if it's true anymore.

Gradually, Sollux begins to calm down, and Karkat carefully starts to crawl towards his friend, dragging his supplies with him. He can feel Sollux's psionics trace over his features in a way that is familiar now, and he smiles faintly when he doesn't screech or push him away. 

Sollux shies away with a hiss as Karkat gets close, though, causing the other troll to pause. Frowning, Karkat rifles through the small bag of supplies for the food. He takes a few pieces of warm carapace, and holds them out in his hand.

"Are you hungry this time?" Karkat asks, watching as Sollux catches the scent in the air and visibly starts sniffing around for its source. Karkat reaches out his hand a little closer, almost close enough to touch Sollux now as he steadfastly creeps near. Sollux gets a better whiff of the food, and snorts in disapproval, pulling his face away. He howls, aimlessly, at the wall.

"Come on you bastard," Karkat mumbles, moving closer again. He lifts the food closer to Sollux's face again, speaking softly. "All it's going to do is make you feel less like shit."

Sollux sniffs the air again, moving close enough that Karkat can feel his breath on his hand. He slowly leans down, and hesitantly starts to lick at Karkat's hand.

Karkat frowns, both relieved and disturbed at this behaviour, but he becomes swayed towards the first when Sollux finally focuses in on the food and eats it out of his palm. He grumbles oddly as he chews, and when he's finished he sniffs the air again and leans in closer to Karkat's body. Karkat quickly breaks off another piece of carapace and holds it out for him. Sollux puts that one down as well.

Much like before, it's only a few chunks until he loses interest. But they're bigger chunks this time, and he's actually taking them willingly. Karkat's almost embarrassed by how much his heart swells at the idea of Sollux eating out of his hand - this entire situation has become something so surreal that it's almost impossible to remember a time when things weren't so completely fucked up.

Karkat gives him his water next, which he laps down easily. And after they're done with that...he isn't really sure what to do.

Sollux starts leaning in close to Karkat's body again, his shackled arms clumsily bracing against the ground. He butts his head against Karkat's chest and then smells him, slowly working his way up over his collarbone to his neck. Once there, Karkat feels something wet against his skin.

"Oh god, don't lick me!" Karkat says, flinching away despite himself. Fuck. This is too ungodly weird, what is he even doing? Sollux growls, pulling back, though the sound swiftly fades to a questioning trill. Sollux moves in against, his body gradually leaning more and more against Karkat's. Somehow this has officially become too much. 

"No - no," Karkat urges, carefully trying to guide the yellowblood away. Sollux hisses at him when he tries to grab him, but he doesn't try to strike. "...No," Karkat says more gently, "get off of me. Stop."

Sollux huffs through his nose, butting his head in one more time before allowing himself to flop down at Karkat's side, his body curling around him in a crescent. He shifts awkwardly in his restraints, sighing tiredly and then just laying there. 

Karkat watches him uncertainly, and after a little while he hesitantly reaches down to scritch at the troll's hair. Sollux's creaks at the touch, leaning in against it. Karkat strokes his hair with a little more confidence, watching as one of Sollux's legs starts to idly twitch. 

Eventually Karkat decides to lay down with him, petting his hair and face as he stares at the black visor covering Sollux's eyes.

"Sollux?" he asks, watching the trolls ears. They twitch vaguely. "Sollux. Do you even remember your name?" It's frustratingly hard to tell whether Sollux is just reacting to sounds or whether he's reacting to his name in particular. Karkat decides to go on, regardless. "We were friends, remember? I'm...well you called me KK for some dumbass reason but...do you remember KK?"

Sollux's shifts, his ears turning to focus on Karkat more acutely. Karkat smiles a little, rubbing his thumb along the side of Sollux's neck.

"Remember how you dragged my ass out here? Because you thought you were saving our lives or something?" And despite everything, Karkat's voice is catching again, his eyes growing clouded with red. "Remember how fucking stupid that was?"

Sollux has gone oddly quiet, though he doesn't react visibly to the words themselves.

"We spent all those weeks in that goddamn cesspool and as soon as we made it out of the Empire we end up here. Just our fucking luck, right? And then I guess you lost your mind or something. Because they were torturing you." He feels the tears start to roll down his cheeks. "Fuck, why did you have to leave me here alone?"

He starts telling Sollux about all kinds of things. He tells Sollux about Alternia. He tells him about their hives, and their lusii, and the city Sollux grew up in. He tells him about his stupid computer bullshit and the way they met online and all the decisions that lead them to where they are now.

He tells him how he once had a moirail that he had loved very much, and how insignificant he feels trying to be anything next to that, but how he's been trying really, really hard to help.

And when he says her name loud and clear Sollux whimpers and tries to hide his face, and Karkat can't do anything but pull him close and hold him, uselessly crying against his neck. Sollux's body is so thin and unhealthy now, tense muscles straining beneath pale, sickly skin. 

He wonders how Sollux is ever supposed to be healed when the pain never really leaves.


	11. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to doing this one. We are probably at about the midway point with this story!

Karkat listens to Sollux breathe, having finally run out of things to say without knowing if he was ever really heard. The troll shifts in his arms, trilling softly as he head leans in against Karkat's chest.

Karkat finds himself thinking. Thinking about Sollux's agony like it's a real, physical wound - a draining gash across his body like it is through his mind. He thinks about blood, and the ways wounds heal, and how it's like they are trying to force Sollux's broken legs to heal while still forcing him to walk every day.

When the door opens for him to leave once again, he lets out a shaking breath and kisses Sollux on the forehead. And once he's left and Sollux has been taken from him once again, he waits for permission before speaking.

"I think he needs paxene," he says, with a voice soft and rough like one that hasn't spoken for years. She shaltac raises a scaley eyebrow.

"Our very first attempts involved paxene hormonal transfusions," they say. "What makes you think it will be different now?"

Karkat swallows. He stares at the floor, and wonders for a moment if his heart is still beating.

"Because..." he starts slowly, afraid that at any moments his words will be something that deserve punishment. "Hyper-protozemia is caused by stress...right?" He glances up for some sort of confirmation or approval, but the shaltac doesn't give him any. He quickly looks back down. "By the hormones being over produced and breaking things. So maybe...maybe for the paxene to work he needs less stress. For a while." He closes his eyes, flinching. "Like when you let a bone heal by not using it," he says quickly, desperate to add any sort of legitimacy to his claim.

The pause while the shaltac considers is excruciating. 

"...I suppose we could allow a few days of respite, to monitor for changes," they say, a claw touching their cheek as they think. Karkat already feels his heart sink - he's pretty sure a 'few days' isn't what Sollux needs. "Though, the vashta has had no particular shortage of solitary hours. I imagine much of this would depend on your performance. On that note - did you determine if he was capable of understanding speech?"

The question catched Karkat off guards, almost having forgotten about that amongst all the emotional upheaval. He chokes a little, but manages to respond with a hasty nod.

"He...fuck, I mean...he recognized a name. I think."

"You think," the shaltac repeats. "Who's name was it?"

Karkat looks down again. "Aradia. His old moirail."

"How do you know?" they ask. Karkat swallows.

"He...got upset. She died sweeps ago."

They grin more contentedly in response than could ever really be appropriate in reaction to being told someone's quadrant mate died.

"...We will phase in additional conditioning, which you will assist with," they say after a moment of deliberation, with a bit of a sly look in their eye. One that makes Karkat feel sick all over again. He doesn't really know what they mean by 'conditioning,' but he's experienced enough in this place to guess.

"You will be brought back here in fourteen hours," the shaltac finishes - and official declaration. "In the meantime, get some rest."

It's easier said than done. 

Through all the tossing and turning in his inhospitable alien bed, he only finds himself wishing for the time to pass faster. Because every second that Sollux is locked up with those assholes is another second he could be hurting with no one to save him from it. He knows the shaltac promised him some respite, but he can't bring himself to really believe it.

At least until he is shoved into that observation room once again. This time the shaltac isn't there. It immediately sets Karkat on edge, wondering why, but after having a chimera with much worse Alternian give him a run down of the situation, he begins to gather than it's most likely because none of this is interesting enough to warrant their esteemed presence. 

He's given enough rations for the two of them, and some blankets. And then he's given a small packet of medical materials and, to his confusion, a small electrical switch on a length of chain, to be worn around his neck. He tries to ask about it.

"For emergency," one of the chimera explains in less than fluent Alternian. "Calm them down. Use if you like."

Karkat nods and puts it on, but inside he doesn't like that implication at all. 

He finds himself in the airlock not long after that, increasingly apprehensive. They'd mentioned something in passing about Sollux haven't received a 'treatment' prior to Karkat arriving, but he doesn't know what that means.

When he enters, though, at least one change is immediately obvious. For once, it's a good one.

The heavy, hand enclosing shackles Sollux had been wearing before have been replaced with something smaller and less intrusive. Metal bands still encircle his arms, but they don't appear to weight on him as badly, and are for the moment only decorative. His arms and legs are free from each other, and currently sprawled out all around him on the floor. 

And that's where things immediately become questionable. 

Unlike all the times before, Sollux doesn't even react at first when Karkat comes into the room. Instead he just stares blindly at the ceiling (his eyes are bound just as heavily as before) with his body loose and limp like a ragdoll. Karkat immediately frowns and hussles over to Sollux's side, dropping his supplies into a pile.

"Sollux?" 

Sollux stirrs, growling in response, but it's more of a hazy reflex than actual aggression. His body stretches and rolls on its back, contorted in a way that shows no consideration for its dignity or its own nakedness. Hesitantly, Karkat reaches down to touch him.

"Dude, what are you doing?" he asks. As his hand settles against Sollux's hair, the growl fades into a trilling purr - he can feel his psionics flicker over him in way of recognition. The troll's whole body rolls at the touch, like he's just so blissed out that every that little bit of contact is ecstatic. "Seriously, what the fuck?"

This isn't right. They _did_ something to him while he was gone - did they drug him? This isn't Sollux's natural behaviour. Not old Sollux, and not new Sollux either. 

Then again, Karkat notes with a twinge of irrational self loathing in his gut, he had basically asked them to. Wasn't it him that told them they should put him on paxene again? What if this is just what paxene _does_ in large doses? 

He doesn't know. He doesn't know nearly enough about anything.

Sollux reaches up to him, fingers extended with the uncertain awe of someone just discovering that they had them for the first time in a long while. He clumsily grabs for any sort of purchase he can get, and though it's slow and easy to divert, it's persistant. Karkat encloses Sollux's hands in his, gazing down at him with an increasingly staggering quantity of pity.

"...You're all fucked up, aren't you," he states more than he asks. Sollux trills again, gently wiggling around like he might try to roll away. He's still weak, though, too weak. Weak enough that even if this was more desperate than sleepy flopping about, his broken body would have no chance of overpowering Karkat. Not without psionics, anyway.

Sollux churrs at him faintly, curling his body around the lower half of Karkat's even as his wrists are still trapped in his hands. Despite his deepening feelings of unease, Karkat can't help but just look at him and sigh.

Now, at least, making him relax should be easy.

Things are quick to set into a rhythm. Like every time before, Karkat feeds him, comforts him, and bathes him where he needs it. He's still managed to mess on himself - after all he's been left in a room alone and blind despite there technically being a crude bedpan offered up. Karkat tends to him without much more than a crinkled nose. 

It's almost nice, dealing with mundane unpleasantness like that. The kind that he can clear away with a wet cloth and patience as opposed to the looming threat of Sollux's own mind, a riddle he's no where close to having an answer for, and with a reward that is almost worse than the cost of failure. 

He wraps Sollux in a blanket, and after he finally convinces him to stop trying to throw it off, he manages to coerce the other troll into sleeping with that rare bit of comfort. After he's finally restful enough to stop making uneasy trilling sounds, Karkat lays down with him, using the second blanket as a pillow for both their heads. 

Karkat feels the best that he has for a long while, doing this. It isn't until hours after that he faces the sharp edge of Sollux's condition for the first time. He should have remembered - everything with Sollux comes in extremes.

It starts with the returned of his heightened physical paranoia, and aggressive reactions to what seems like little more than empty air. It develops into a fully violent moodswing where, for a while, Karkat is certain that Sollux is going to seriously hurt one of them, if not both.

He won't let Karkat touch him. He scrambles on the floor, as quickly as his weakened limbs will carry him. He claws at the walls with blunted nails, screaming for escape, and when Karkat tries to stop him he claws at him instead. He butts his horns against metal. He screeches wordlessly, for what seems like hours, and now that his hands have been freed from their heavier bond he's at risk of actually hurting himself. Karkat desperately tries to intervene, holding his wrists, holding his beaten body in his arms. 

It isn't until Sollux psionically hits Karkat so hard in the stomach that he falls back against the wall and lets out his own moans of pain that anything but mindless desperation and violence shows. Sollux cries out, questioning, like he doesn't understand what he's supposed to do in reaction to another creature hurting. 

"Sollux, you asshole," Karkat wheezes from the floor, staring at him with wide and vulnerable eyes. He's so scared, but he tries to not let it show. "I'm just trying to help you out here, bro."

Gradually, Sollux lingers closer, whimpering and trilling for some kind of response. He pushes himself low to the ground at Karkat's side, and after a few lingering moment of hesitation, Karkat reaches out to carefully stroke his hair.

Sollux whimpers, and for the first time, it actually sounds like remorse. He curls next to Karkat's fallen form, murmuring incoherent non-language and nuzzling the white fabric of his slip. 

If it could be called progress, Karkat doesn't know. But he does know that the next evening Sollux ends up laid up with bliss all over again, and the next time the fall feels less extreme. 

This goes on for days. Karkat is still removed for a few hours every day for dedicated sleep, with Vaeliesh, the chimeran servant he was assigned, bringing him necessary supplies and other tools he requests. Every time Karkat returns to Sollux's holding cell, the other troll is increasingly eager and needy to see him. 

It's like he's imprinted on him or something, Karkat thinks, unsure of the way that concept makes his stomach turn. Whether with its optimistic uncertainty or with terrible dread.

Karkat has almost become accustomed to this life, a few weeks later. Sollux's moods have balanced, and his violence is so much more rare in Karkat's presence. The screeches and trills feel more and more like communication, and in their best moments he really does believe that Sollux is capable of listening to his verbal requests.

Of course, that is when Karkat enters the observation room one day to find that the shaltac has returned. They sit in their seat, their reptilian tail curling languidly at their side, a look of curiosity on amusement on their face.

Karkat freezes, staring. 

"You've done well, vashta," they say, and their approval only serves to send a chill down his spine. He looks down to the ground. "So much, in fact, that we are now comfortable moving along to the next phase of their training."

"No," Karkat gasps, completely outside of his control. One of the guard's rods is immediately thrust into his chest, and he bites his tongue, hating himself for letting that slip free. But they can't take Sollux away. He can't fucking stand it, he'll die.

"Calm yourself," the shaltac says firmly, though that smile is still on their lips. "You duties have not concluded, of course. In fact, I've decided to give you a very important role in the future of this project..."

Karkat feels light in the head, his heart pulsing in his ears. The shaltac leisurely stands.

"You have been places in charge of the early phases of their obedience training," they say, without an ounce of remorse for the look of terror on Karkat's face. "They are bonded to you now, that much is obvious...who better to demand their obedience, correct?"

Karkat finds his hand lingering on the necklace he was given the first day of this process, with the switch that he'd been told was mean to "calm" Sollux in emergencies. The switch he'd never used once, thinking he knew what calming actually meant in their terms.

 _I can't do this,_ he thinks. But, in silence, he agrees.


	12. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for this chapter.
> 
> Oh right I nearly forgot! I did some art for this story! Here it is:  
> [Karkat and Sollux](http://quixocalypse.tumblr.com/post/51662245116/the-one-who-survives-by-making-the-lives-of)  
> [Sollux in his restraints](http://quixocalypse.tumblr.com/post/51690051599/more-fallen-leaves-sollux-it-is-that-time-of)

Sollux waits for him at the door now. Karkat has theorized that he actually listens for the sound of the first gate opening, and then comes to find him in anticipation - when he first realized it, the thought filled him with a nervous sort of hope. Now it just fills him with dread.

The door opens and Sollux is there, lightly scratching a hand on the door to feel when it slides open. As soon as Karkat can see him, the other troll is already finding him with a gentle brush of his psionic sensory abilities and reaching out to grab onto him.

Sollux is stronger after these weeks of rest, no longer so thin and frail that it feels like he might just crumble if held too hard. He still couldn't beat Karkat in a fist fight, but he's capable of blindly stumbling around in an actually bipedal manner when the situation calls for it, which makes it all the stranger when he immediately latches onto Karkat's body and starts energetically nuzzling against his neck. 

After a moment of hesitation, with his heart clenching terribly, Karkat embraces Sollux in return. He holds the other troll tight, feeling his still-bare skin brush against him, exhaling very slowly as if hoping it will delay this moment from ending.

Sollux trills and chirps his greeting, a sound that almost breaks Karkat's heart. A few moments after the door closes behind him, he reluctantly starts trying to untangle himself. Sollux tries to persist for longer than is really necessary, but as Karkat starts moving them further into the chamber he finally abates and settles for crouching on the floor near where Karkat stops. Karkat crouches down with him, tearing up a little as he relents to leaning up to kiss him on the forehead.

"Sollux...stop," he mumbles, trying to keep that sadness from his voice. To try to stay neutral. "Things...things have to be different tonight, okay?"

No comprehension. Of course. Even if he understood the word 'different', Karkat is almost certain Sollux would never see this context coming. 

Which is by far the worst part.

"You...you just have to do what I say, okay?" he tries when Sollux, predictably, doesn't reply with any kind of language that can be understood. Instead he just lays down at Karkat's side, like he's waiting for the other troll to settle down too, not understanding the tension in the situation. 

"Sollux," Karkat says again, more urgently this time. "Come on, you have to fucking listen to me!" 

Sollux growls very faintly at Karkat's raised voice, but otherwise doesn't react. Karkat frowns deeply, and then gently tries to take him by the arm and pull him up.

"Look, just...get up," he tries, but his strange behaviour is rapidly just putting Sollux on guard. The other lazily resists, hissing at him, using his own weight to prevent Karkat from lifting him. "Sollux!"

Already, Karkat is starting to panic. He can't even make him get up. How can he possibly do this when Sollux won't even stand for him? He can't. God, they're going to kill both of them-

Karkat bites his lip and then abruptly pulls away, taking a few steps back so that he's watching Sollux from a distance. He tries to steady his voice.

"Sollux," he says more firmly. Sollux's ear twitches in reaction to the familiar sound, but he doesn't move towards him. Karkat takes a deep breath, trying to remain calm. "Sollux, _please._ "

Sollux finally squirms on the floor, rolling around to face him, raising his head enough to let out a questioning whine. How is he supposed to understand this, Karkat wonders. In the time they spent together, Karkat has asked very little of him - just enough cooperation to do what was necessary. But now he's supposed to follow _instructions?_

"Sollux, come here."

He doesn't.

" _Come here._ "

Sollux finally rolls onto his crouched legs, but he doesn't move forward. Karkat can feel his psionics probing around to Karkat's location - it traces over his face and his horns, then Sollux reaches forward through empty air with a hand like he's trying to find him. The gesture immediately makes Karkat want to give up and go back over to him.

He briefly ponders the irony of the fact that Sollux is more capable of making Karkat do what he wants than the other way around.

"...No," Karkat says softly, coming forward just enough to take Sollux's hand. He starts tugging Sollux after him, back to where he was standing before. "Come _here_ ," he says again, emphasizing the words, hoping that something will stick.

Sollux vaguely crawls, allowing himself to be half dragged across the floor. Once they arrive, Sollux whines again, and gently headbutts Karkat's side. Karkat hesitates, and then faintly smiles, ruffling Sollux's hair a bit.

"Right. That's right. Good." He hesitantly lets go of Sollux's hand, and starts to move to the other side of the room. Sollux trills in a way Karkat has come to associate with him asking 'what the fuck are you doing?' Karkat ignores him, stopping at the other side of the room. 

"Sollux, come here," he says, doing a bit better at remaining firm. This time Sollux just screeches at him a little, distressed. Karkat struggles to keep his calm. "Come here."

Sollux chitters, and start shuffling in a completely unrelated direction. Karkat groans in exasperation, and quickly hurries after him. He reaches down to get him by the hands again, pulling him back in his direction. Sollux struggles a little with him, but then gives in.

Of course, he's less even less enthusiastic when Karkat stops again. 

"That's right, okay, that's what you need to do," Karkat says in reaction to the other troll's growls, feebly offering more positive reinforcement in an attempt to calm him down. 

Karkat keeps trying. Over and over, he calls for Sollux to follow, and when he doesn't, he shows him the way. Every time he rewards that obedience with some sort of kindness. But eventually, when Karkat breaks away once again, it's clear that Sollux has lost patience. He clicks and whines after him, but he doesn't follow. He doesn't even stare at him and wait. Instead he just flops down onto his side.

"Sollux, come here," Karkat tries, trying to remain firm despite that show of obstinance. Sollux growls at him, curling up tighter. Frowning, Karkat comes forward to try to guide him for what feels like the millionth time, but before he can, Sollux snaps his fangs as his hands when he tries to touch him, actively hissing. Karkat backs away, stunned.

The hiss fades into another warning growl, like the other troll is saying 'leave me alone, I'm sick of this beastshit.' Or at least, that's what Karkat has taught himself to imagine. 

But, as much as he wants to, he can't leave Sollux alone. If he does, he'll probably be alone for the rest of his miserable life.

He looks down at the switch in his hand. The one the shaltac had told him to use to condition him - to punish Sollux for disobedience. He doesn't even know what it does, but he's increasingly terrified that he may be about to use it.

"Sollux..." he says faintly, finger on the switch, his hand shaking as he clutches the necklace. Sollux just growls again, increasingly irritated. 

"Sollux, _come here,_ " he says, tears building his his eyes. Sollux doesn't listen. He won't listen. He's not a pet or a lusus to be trained, he's a fucking troll and...

And trolls don't respond to pleasantries. They respond to fear.

Karkat bites his lip so hard he feels like he might have broken skin. His palm is sweaty around the switch.

"Sollux," he says, "come _here._ " When Sollux doesn't move, he flicks the switch.

There's no obvious source of the pain. All Karkat knows is that Sollux immediately starts whining, his muscles contorting with a sudden spasm of agony. But he doesn't move. The ball he's curled in just becomes tighter, and the plaintive cries louder, until Karkat can't stand it anymore.

He rushes forward and grabs Sollux, bodily hauling him across the room. He thinks it might be so that Sollux knows what he's actually supposed to do. But really it's just because Karkat desperately needs an excuse to stop.

He turns off the switch, but Sollux keeps whimpering, even as his muscles tentatively relax. He claws at Karkat's leg, grabbing him, trying to pull him close. Not to attack...but for comfort. 

The realization makes Karkat sick. Sollux doesn't realize that Karkat was the one that just caused him pain. 

Of course he doesn't. Why would he? Karkat feels the tears start to trickle down his cheeks, shaking as he stares down at Sollux's with horrified eyes as the other troll looks to him for comfort.

He's his moirail. His fucking moirail and he just-

"F-Fuck," Karkat stammers out. He reaches down to try to touch Sollux's hair, to do anything to console him, but he feels like any sort of affection might destroy him.

Hand shaking, he forces himself to brush the skin at Sollux's horns.

"It's...good. Good, you're...you're here," he chokes, before covering him mouth to catch the sudden illness he feels like expelling. 

He stares into space listening to Sollux pitifully whimper. Minutes pass.

His guts feeling cold like iron, Karkat finally stands, and pulls away. He moves to the other side of the floor as Sollux cries after him desperately. 

"Sollux," he says, his voice wavering. "Come here."

He doesn't. Instead he keeps screeching and whining, to the point that Karkat can't stand it anymore.

He hits the switch.

The screeches abruptly stop, as if the wind is sucked from Sollux's lungs. All he can do it whimper and shake miserably as he shrinks down to the floor. Karkat can't breath either. He releases the switch.

"Come here," he demands again. Sollux whimpers, and finally, very slowly begins to pull himself across the floor, his legs and hips dragging pathetically. He hesitates part of the way again, but all it takes is another demand to force him to continue.

"Come _here._ "

Finally Sollux reaches Karkat's feet. He curls into a ball around his legs, shivering and pleading for shelter. Karkat swallows and his throat feels full of glass.

"Good," he says, voice soft because he can't speak any louder. He kneels down, stroking Sollux's hair, trying to sooth away his fear. "Good job."

And it isn't until Sollux has stopped crying that it's time to start again.


	13. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OK HI finally back to finish this business. Probably only about five chapters left, I think, after this.
> 
> Exciting times. Not so much for Karkat.
> 
> Oh right, my tumblr is [quixocalypse](http://quixocalypse.tumblr.com) if you want to follow my bullshit.

Sollux always seems afraid now. Ginger. He doesn't relax in the same way when they curl up on the floor together. He'll rest in the shelter of Karkat's arms, but his muscles stay so tense, like at any moment the pain could start. 

More submissive but less communicative. It's like Sollux is slipping away from him, bit by bit.

And like Karkat is the one letting him go.

After the first few sessions Karkat had gone to his private quarters and cried for what felt like hours. He'd lay in the ablution chamber and think about drowning himself in the water. He'd think about trying to hurt himself, with what remained of his claws or against the hard corners of the block's sparse furniture, but he couldn't even do that.

He thinks of it in terms foreign and cruel. Not because he shouldn't hurt himself or because he doesn't deserve it. But because if he were to mark himself up, he would lower his value as a slave.

If their owners ever outright whipped or marked a vashta, it was a clear sign that they were being discarded. No longer appropriate for the gentler work, they'd be the cheapest and most abused of the slaves. 

Even his chimeran attendant starts to give Karkat sad looks as the nights slowly slip by. At the way that he sits blank eyed in his room, barely responding when he's brought his supplies, the only thing he has to look forward to being another night of being forced to torture his only friend. 

Vael, the name of his attendant that he only dimly remembers, hesitates before leaving his block this time. They stand at the door watching him with uncharacteristic concern. Before now they always seemed sort of dull, like they were slightly lobotomized and didn't realize what a terrible place they worked in.

But now that pleasant vacancy is gone from their eyes, lingering on Karkat as he curls listlessly on his bed.

"It's alright," they say, finally. "It gets better. Trust me."

Before Karkat can reply they have already slipped out of the door. It isn't long before Karkat pushes the reassurance aside. He doesn't see how it could. Not when Sollux will never call for him the same way again. Not when his moirail has no way of understanding that Karkat is just trying to protect him.

He almost doesn't get out of bed, when his escorts arrive. He fantasizes about just laying there indefinitely until they are forced to kill him rather than force him to do this anymore, but he knows the idea isn't viable. He's late to report to the doorway, and his guards make sure he knows it. A few slaps to the face later he's being told that training will be taking place elsewhere, for the day.

He goes along with them, unquestioning, but the resentment is heavy in his eyes.

The new location doesn't surprise him. He was ready for that. But what _does_ catch him off guard is that when he's shoved into the new space, Sollux isn't there. His only company is the shaltac themself. They watch him carefully as he enters, sitting in a luxurious looking chair across the room from him.

The room itself is fairly cozy and enclosed, all except for an almost arena-like space reserved in the center. There is seating arranged on the left and right of it, with the shaltac presiding at the head. They watch him in silence as the change of form immediately sets Karkat at ill ease.

"Vashta," they say crisply. Karkat swallows and comes forward a few steps, lowering his eyes as he waits for instructions. He is more eager for them than he would be, otherwise, in the hopes that they'll explain what's about to happen. He shifts on his feet. "Come here."

He doesn't want to, but it's not as if he has a choice. He shuffles forward until he is about six paces away. It seems like a respectable distance to keep. They are displeased.

"Straighten up," they said, whipping their cane against the floor, the impact cutting through the silence sharply. "Show some decorum. These movements are a disgrace to your training, bug."

His posture straightens instinctively at that warning, his gait instantly balancing itself. Something in his gut is already ridiculing him. Who does he think he is? What the hell was that? What is he doing? This is the shaltac and they will _kill_ him. 

"Good," they say, smoothly. "Now come closer." He carefully does. "Now kneel."

He lowers onto his knees, keeping his posture straight. His eyes are on the shaltac now, though. Questioning. Wary.

They hold out one of their legs, wiggling their scaley toes in front of his face.

"Now lick my foot," they say, tone thick with self satisfaction. His gut churns, and for a moment, the depths of his resentment can be seen on his face.

But he does. He licks their damn foot, and he doesn't even make a face afterwards. 

"You're angry, vashta," they say a moment later, eyes narrowing. He senses his mistep and shivers, looking down to the floor.

"No, shaltac," he says roughly, trying to keep his voice from shaking. 

"Don't lie to me, bug," they say sharply, and then stand. They loom over him, cane in hand. "I ordered you here so that I could explain the importance of an upcoming event. A few weeks from now, there is going to be...a market of sorts."

He doesn't speak despite their pause, but his ears fold down warily.

"I've invited a large number of important business associates to the station, so that we could show them the best and most interesting of our stalk. I have enjoyed the progress you have made with the psionic, but it is time that a deadline was imposed."

Oh fuck.

"The psionic will need to be prepared for auction at this event. As will you."

Karkat's eyes widen, staring up at them. They can't be serious. Sollux is nowhere near ready to be presentable, how could he-

"He...he can't," he stammers before he can stop himself. "There isn't enough time, he needs more time to learn, I-"

The shaltac roughly brings the end of their cane to his throat. He stops immediately, swallowing.

"Your job isn't to tell me what the psionic can and can't do." Their voice is cold. "Your job is to do what you're told."

His breath catches in his throat, but only for a moment. Because then something is snapping inside of him, and he's pushing himself off his knees and backing away in distress...and anger.

"No!" he shouts, words flying from his mouth out of sync with his mind. "You can't - you can't just fucking _decide_ that! You're the ones who fucking broke him, so why can't you just let me _fix him_?"

There's a snarl in his voice as he finishes, and he already knows he's crossed a line. The shaltac is, however, calm. Poised, even. They stay where they are, watching Karkat as if this is something they had expected from the start.

"You must be a fool, thinking that we are incapable of seeing your scorn. Your arrogance," they say cooly, cane ready at their side. "It is an attitude bred into your kind, but only the truly unfortunate would think that they could show it to their masters."

Their tail snatches a dagger from the side table, the surprisingly dexterous limb passing it up to their hand. In a moment of panic, Karkat thinks that this is it. They are actually going to kill him.

But they don't.

Instead they toss the dagger a his feet, and discard their cane to a far side of the room. 

"You have anger?" they say, still so fucking calm he can't stand it. "You want revenge? Then take it."

Karkat stares at the knife, wide eyed. They can't possibly...

"Take it upon those that have given you more of a chance than your own people ever would. Who have given you more patience than you are perhaps truly worth. You see us as your slavers, as lowly monsters. But you have been a slave to your own empire since the day your disgusting larva was hatched."

"You..." Karkat stutters, taken back. "You'll just..." They'll kill Sollux if he does anything, won't they? They wouldn't let him actually _attack_ them? No-

"If you are really so brave, so mighty, then take your revenge now. One on one. If you are better than this, then have the fortitude to show it, you smug little _insect._ "

He keeps looking between the knife and the shaltac, taking another step back. He can't. He _can't._ They'll torture him and kill Sollux and he just _can't._

They give him another few moments, and then the window of opportunity passes.

"That's what I thought," the shaltac says, and steps past the knife to backhand him so viciously that he falls to the ground. Dazed and already hurting, he can't stop what follows. 

They beat him, with their fists and with their tail. They beat him ruthlessly, but efficiently. And though his instincts call for blood, he can't bring himself to fight back, not against one of the chimera. 

Instead, he closes his eyes, and he waits for it to stop.


	14. Later

Karkat stares at himself in the mirror. 

His skin is mottled with brown and red bruising - swelling so intense it nearly blinds one of his eyes. His arms bear fingerprints. His back is like a piece of expressionist art. He's been left naked, his old slip discarded. His skin hurts. His bones hurt.

And all he can think is that it was kind of them to not leave him any permanent scars.

This is the first time he's stood in two days. His punishment was severe. Looking back, he isn't angry. He can hardly even blame them.

He brought this upon himself. He brought everything upon himself.

He turns the water in the shower on low, flinchingly pressing the cold water to his wounds. The pain makes him cry, his own touch enough to agitate the swelling, and the cold enough to stiffen his aching muscles. He's done plenty of crying in the last two days, but only now does it feel like something taking place outside of a nightmare.

He'll have to be on his feet again soon. Sollux needs tending to - he needs to be ready for market. Maybe if he can teach him to be good, then his new master will be kind. Maybe he'll be _happy_ there-

His sniffles turn to sobs, and he curls inside of his thin white towel. No. Nobody else knows how to take care of Sollux. No one ever will. 

No one will pity him like Karkat does. They couldn't possibly know how.

He lays like that, alone in his room, for longer than he can keep track of. Something is finally giving way, he thinks. He can't see the way up anymore.

He only starts to really wake up when a visitor arrives.

It's Vael again, his chimeran servant, but their expression has once again lost the note of vacant cheer it has held so many times before. Instead it's a quiet sort of contemplation, as the chimera starts sizing him up the moment they enter the room. 

"Can you walk?" they ask softly.

He tries to sit up. He doesn't know how capable he actually is, but he knows there is only one answer. "Yeah," he says, and begins to try. His stance is unsteady and painful, but he manages it. 

Their gaze lingers on him for another few moments, expression unreadable. They pass him a fresh slip, which he manages to put on with only a moderate amount of discomfort. It beats being naked, anyway.

"Good good," they say absentmindedly. They extend a pair of shackles and a lead to go around his wrists - he often hasn't required them, but they have occurred in the past. He allows it without question.

"I must take you to show you something," they say, and he can already feel the terror building in his heart. He can't even think about what they might be about to show him. He doesn't think he could take anything else. 

But all he can do is nod and do his best to follow as they lead him away. Vael has escorted him places before, when other guards weren't available, and once they are out in the hall Vael's demeanour has returned to normal. If it wasn't for the dread that's already beginning to consume him, it would feel just like an average day.

The cracks only start to appear when they are faced with other guards and servants.

Vael nods to passing guards with a familiar, vacant smile, but there is something off about it. He can tell the chimera is on edge about whatever is about to happen. A tenseness in their shoulders, maybe - they way they focus on facing straight ahead. Vael has never given him problems in the past, at least when it comes to violence. But with the outcome of this uncertain, he finds himself trying to think of how he can improve the situation, to avoid the worst of what's coming.

Is he going to be punished further? Are they removing him from his usual block? Maybe they are taking even more of his privileges away, after that happened...

He walks as gracefully as he can on wounded legs. He doesn't speak or cry or slump his shoulders as it would feel so natural. He keeps his face as blank as he can - open and malleable. He'll do anything, at this point, they have to realize that...don't they?

His anxiety increases as they start leading him down a path he's never tread before. He contemplates asking what's going on many times, but he can't make the words get past his lips. He can't question. It isn't his place. No talking, no doing anything, until it's asked of him.

Vael pays little attention to his gestures, it seems, and only speaks to him again once they've approached an empty stretch of hall.

"You must be very quiet, now," they say, calmly. "Do nothing but watch." They pull him into a little back room, that seems to be some kind of servants' entrance. The exit out ahead is shaded with a curtain, and voices can be heard from the other side. Its dark inside, but his night vision cuts through it with little problem. It doesn't feel like the sort of place that he should be, and the chimera's careful actions do not suggest forthrightness.

Vael leads him towards that curtain and leans again it, listening. They shake their head.

"It may be a moment yet," they whisper, "but you will hear it."

"What...what are we doing?" he finally asks, quietly but urgently. He's confused. Is he _supposed_ to be here? What is this chimera doing?

The tension of knowing that he may be breaking rules just by being here is more than he can handle.

"I will explain soon," they say softly. "But I believe this conversation is relevant to your interests." They gesture, slowly, to the crack in the curtain. "See?"

After a moment of hesitation, he peers through the curtains.

From the doorway he can see the back of the shaltac's chair, in some kind of formal meeting room. Four armed guards are spaced about the area, as if anticipating company. The shaltac sits leisurely, watching the far entrance with a posture of apathy if not straight up mockery.

About fifteen seconds later, said company arrives, escorted by two more guards. Karkat gapes.

The company is nothing other than four adult trolls, with blood in various warm hues.

"Thank you for seeing us, shaltac," the ostensible leader says, a brown blooded woman with forward pointed horns. The others look very uncomfortable - the tension in the atmosphere can be felt at range. "We appreciate this opportunity to negotiate-"

"Don't play so humble, drifter," the shaltac cuts them off. "In any act of real modesty we would not be speaking in your tongue."

The brownblood is given pause by that, but goes on determinedly. "...I apologize for our lack of education, in that regard. We've not been given the opportunity to learn."

"I've no interest in your excuses, bug," the shaltac says. "What do you want?"

The brownblood breathes in carefully, contemplating their words.

"You...have a member of our species in your collection, which we would be willing to purchase from you at a high price. We are prepared to beat out all other offers."

"Just one?" the shaltac drawls, visibly disinterested. "What possibly use could you have for them?"

"They...they are unusual, but in ways that probably would only matter within troll culture. The relevance is...sentimental, you could say..."

"Try me," they reply. "What characteristic is it, exactly, that you are hunting for?"

"Red blood," the brownblood blurts out. "Bright red. More so than you would have seen before. We would...implore you to allow us to purchase that child."

Karkat's heart stops in his chest.

"Red blood?" the shaltac purrs. "How interesting. And what makes you think I would have a specimen like that within my collection?"

"Research," the brownblood says, carefully. "We've had our ear to the ground on this one for some time now. We...know about the trafficking agreement you have with the trolls of the Beltek ring."

"Oh, they're hardly missed. I'm surprised you can even keep track of them all, with how many of you worms are excreted each season..."

"All the same," the troll says, in what is clearly a triumph of self control, "we would respectfully like to buy this one back from you."

"And you'll truly spare no expense?"

"We'll give as much as we can afford."

"Hmm," the shaltac hums loftily. "No."

"What?" the brownblood gasps, having been lured into thinking they were getting somewhere. "But...we...please, shaltac, we'll pay more than anyone else would even contemplate-"

"You have my answer, bug," the shaltac says crisply.

"Please, _please_ reconsider...! We beg you!"

"No," the shaltac said, rising from their seat. "This is not your empire, and you words mean nothing to me. I will do no business with your kind. The power to refuse you your ambitions is worth more than all the money in the galaxy, worms. You are not so mighty here, in our land. Now get out of my sight."

The armed guards swiftly force the trolls from the room, even as they yell for recognition. Karkat pulls back, staring at Vael with wide eyes, uncomprehending. He stumbles back from the curtain.

"What...I don't..." he starts, too loud, and Vael puts a finger to his lips.

"Shh. I brought you were so you would believe me. Members of your own kind wish to see you free from this place, and I am prepare to help, Karkat," they say. It's the first time anyone has said his real name in what seems like an eternity. 

They lead him back to the empty hall, and then off to somewhere more private. Karkat is bubbling with questions inside the whole time, but he doesn't dare speak until Vael has given him the go ahead.

"I...why?" is the first thing he stammers out, staring up at them. "Why do you care? Why do _they_ care?"

"I cannot claim to understand the motives of your kind," they say. "But chimera...we are not without our own struggles. Many of the vashta here are of our own species...your measures of blood are not the only false standards of superiority. I intend to free my own."

"But...but aren't you a slave? How..."

"I have taken on the role of one for a long time. A chimera's fate is decided when they mate, taking on the roll of a dominant or submissive. Chemical treatments can be done to simulate the process, to those a dominant finds unsavory. A white chimera is but the prisoner of their masters, as the warm bloods the slaves of the cold."

Karkat doesn't fully understand what Vael is trying to explain about their culture, but it sounds as if they want to liberate the other chimeran captives. But then...

"But...why me?" he asks desperately, screaming inside for an answer. For any reason to believe that someone in the universe might care for his fate.

"We have made an alliance with the trolls you saw," they say, "and all they desired in exchange for their assistance was you."

He finds himself staring into the space between them, unable to understand _why._ Why would anyone want him? Why would they want him because he's a _mutant?_ Will he escape this place only to be killed at the hands of his own kind?

"Say nothing. Carry on," Vael says. "On the eve of the market you will be given a key, to free yourself and your psionic friend. That is what I can give you."

"I can't...I don't know how...I..." His mind feels like collapsing with the unbearable weight of hope where there had been none. It was almost easier without it, he thinks.

"You will be shown the way if this comes together, Karkat. But for now our meeting must end. Speak nothing of this, and survive."

Long after Vael had led him back to his room and departed, Karkat finds himself in disbelief. Those trolls...they'd wanted him. Needed him, even. And Vael was putting themselves at risk to get him out for them.

It has to be a trick, he thinks. There is no place for these concepts in his increasingly claustrophobic world.

But he finds himself drifting off to thoughts of escape, all the same.


	15. Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two of three of these left before sweet release. Please note the warnings, this one goes into non-con territory. BE WARY.

As the nights press on and his wounds gradually heal, Karkat wonders more and more if the whole thing was just a dream. It's not hard to imagine - him lying there in a pain induced stupor and dreaming up some flimsy universe where he matters to people. Where he isn't the only one fighting to keep himself alive. 

It doesn't make any sense, really. He walks himself through the memory hundreds of times. How did they not get caught? How could Vael, his brainless attendant, secretly be some kind chimeran freedom fighter? Why would _anyone_ ever care enough to save someone like him?

The uncertainty begins to eat away at him more intensely than his sessions with Sollux. He thinks about those trolls almost every waking moment, and sometimes while he's asleep. 

_Why do you want me?_ he wants to scream at them. At anyone, now. _Don't you understand what I am?_

Sometimes, as he sits for what feels like hours comforting his abused moirail, he wants to ask Sollux the same thing.

He works up the nerve to try to ask Vael, once or twice, but whenever he tries they just look at him in this way that makes him wonder why he'd even bother. They're just a servant. But even if they weren't...

_Speak nothing of this, and survive._

The words linger in his mind, until one early morning he finds himself thinking about the other things they'd said. About how so many of the white chimera were slaves too.

He didn't think he'd ever been told that. Was it even true? No one had explained it to him before. He waits until Vael comes to deliver his morning rations and finally asks a question.

"Vael? Why are your spots white?"

They smile at him, in a way that is more glinting than vacant.

"Because I am a servant to my people," they say as they leave.

Ever since training resumed after his 'meeting' with the Shaltac, they've started having one of the chimera there to oversee Karkat's work. The point, he assumes, is so that Sollux can be taught to behave for people that aren't his moirail. It's a daunting concept and Karkat doesn't fully believe, even now, that it will be possible. Not with the deadline looming ever closer.

It's an uphill struggle. Sollux will start to comply with other people's demands for simple actions, but usually only after Karkat has already gotten him to do it a couple times. It's not at the behest of the chimera, Karkat knows. It's because Sollux remembers Karkat's advice, and because he trusts him. 

He wishes he didn't. He doesn't deserve it. He's basically just giving his moirail away, at this point.

_You will be shown the way if this comes together._

He thinks hard on those word as he waveringly endures. Just two more weeks.

The shaltac themself has started showing up for portions of the last few sessions, and their presence makes it harder and harder for Karkat to keep it together. He can feel their eyes on him through everything he does, and the more they watch, the less impressed they seem to be. Sollux isn't listening well enough. He turns to Karkat for for everything, still, and the more he does the more he can sense their owners resent it.

_Please,_ he finds himself silently begging as he goes to Sollux's side, once again. _Please just fucking listen to them. You stupid piece of shit..._

Sollux trills at him as he approaches, his psionic trouch flickering over his body in a way that is now reassuring. But this time, the shaltac intervenes.

"Stay where you are, vashta. You will not be the master, here."

Karkat stops in his tracks. He doesn't say anything. A moment later, he backs up again without argument. The shaltac takes the switch from other chimera, who had to this point been playing master. The same switch that Karkat has, for causing Sollux pain.

"Bow," the shaltac orders. Sollux ignores them, focusing on Karkat instead. He calls out to him. The shaltac hisses with impatience. "Bow, vashta."

They hit the switch and Sollux screams, the sound so familiar now, but never any less painful. Karkat opens his mouth reflexively, prepared to repeat the order in an attempt to make him listen, but one glare from the shaltac keeps him silent as Sollux crouches down and writhes.

"I said bow, not huddle, you worthless bug," the shaltac growls. They ease up on the pain, but only so Sollux can move enough to comply. "Bow!"

Sollux screeches at them now, hurting and confused. Infuriated, the shaltac lashes at Karkat with their tail, suddenly dragging him over into their reach. They grab him by the throat. 

"Bow, or you won't _have_ your worthless moirail to cry to."

It's like watching a wriggler strike a cholerbear. The shaltac moves without realizing the monster they're about to unleash, but Karkat sees it coming even before Sollux has realized what's happening. 

You don't threaten a troll's moirail.

Sollux snarls, and the remains of his psionics swell around the two of them with a sudden fury. And as that snarl accelerates into a scream, Sollux throws everything he has left into pulling Karkat towards him and pushing the shaltac away.

The shaltac hits the wall hard enough to dent metal, with an audible snap. Karkat only stops once he's physically collided with Sollux, and the other troll is curling his body around Karkat defensively.

"KK no," Sollux hisses. "No!"

Karkat isn't sure what he's more stunned by - the fact that Sollux just spoke, or the look of utter fury on the shaltac's face as they stagger to their feet. The chimera roars something in their native tongue, before one damning phrase of Alternian.

"This is _over._ "

Suddenly, Sollux is clinging to Karkat desperately, his body shaking with agony. Before Karkat can do a damn thing, the whips have come out and he's being dragged away from him. 

"Sollux!" Karkat screams - scolding, longing, terrified. The whip's electrical surge seizes Sollux's body, and, somehow mercifully, he's put down.

It's only moments before the shaltac is on him instead. They strike Karkat across the face with their cane, hissing in chimeran. " _Take it out!_ "

Karkat is already begging as he tries to pick himself off the ground, his mouth bloodied. His moirail is dragged limply from the room and there's nothing else he can do. 

"Please, please, god, please, he didn't mean it," he babbles as the shaltac closes in on him again. His hand cradles his mouth, blood and a broken fang in his palm. "He was scared, please, he was just fucking _scared-_ "

"That's enough," the shaltac snaps, kicking Karkat in the gut. He crumples to the ground. "I have no more patience for this _joke._ Do you think that you were the only option we have? Selling a mindless beast like that would be an embarassment to the trade."

Karkat looks up at them from the floor, his eyes cloudy with red tears. He knows what's happening, but he can't handle it. Sollux is gone.

"It's been clear for weeks now that this won't work. But this is a business, bug, and we always have a backup plan. Maybe your species had the right of it all along."

He wants to throw up at those final words, the things they are potentially suggesting going straight to his gut. He sobs wretchedly.

"Please don't. Please, he can be good, I can make him be good-"

"I said _enough_ ," the shaltac spits, striking at him like a snake. Their claws sear across his face, and the blood starts to pour.

He's so stunned at first that he can't even scream. They cut him. They cut his face, and now...now no one would...

"I was a fool to do this," the shaltac says, looming over him. "I sought to save one slave and ruined them both. Idiocy."

They grab Karkat by the slip as he howls, and slam his back into the wall. The slip tears at the neck, the fragile fabric ripping down past his shoulders. Their tail wraps around his struggling legs as they press a hand into his throat. 

"Our technology is not as refined as yours, but it will have to suffice. Good enough for the likes of that vermin, anyway."

"Please," Karkat breathes as he feels them tear off the rest of his slip. "Please, don't do this to him. He doesn't deserve this. Fuck, I'll do anything."

"I require nothing more from you than silence," the shaltac says, and sinks their fangs slowly into his neck, their tail tightening around his hips and bulge. They press against him violently, the pain becoming unbearable. 

It all blends together for him - the needless details of punishment. He cries, but he isn't crying for himself. He sees nothing unjust about his fate.

He can't even be angry. He brought this upon himself.


End file.
